Tuesday, March 9, 2010

is 3 the magic number?

So, we've moved. Yes, again! I thought that moving 4x in our 5 years of marriage was a lot. But, in the last 18 months we have moved 3x, are living in our 3rd house, are in our 4th ward (ward split in our second house), and are quite frankly SICK of moving! Not the best situation to settle down and get to know your neighbors and ward members...

It's been about a month now since our move. I've been slow to post about it. I'm not sure why, and think it's partly because I posted a rather whiny blog about how miserable I was, and how I was longing to move again, to the area we've been eyeing for over a year now - then literally a week and 1/2 later, we moved. Obviously, when I wrote that post I wasn't expecting another move so soon. And, what good was all my whining and self-pity for when the resolution was right around the corner? (Don't we all want to feel justified in our negative emotions sometimes?) Another HUGE reason is that I'm sick of telling people we've moved. It's just so pathetic!

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to read my blog. I have been pretty negative and whiny.

And, terribly lonely. I can only remember one other time in my life when I have felt so alone!

I knew that life wasn't suddenly going to be easy and wonderful once we moved to UT. Sure, we have a job now after 6 months of unemployment in AZ - a chapter of my life I NEVER want to relive! Ironically, I feel like some of our greatest trials have come to us after our move to UT.

So, I've kept all my emotions bottled up - trying to be strong - until I felt like I was going to explode or crumble into a ball on the floor - not the best things for my kids to see. So, my release was to blog about what I was feeling. I'm sorry that I've been a downer, but I honestly had no one else I could turn to!

(Does any of this make sense? I feel like my thoughts are very incoherent...)

However, I have to say, that all my whininess and suffering have not been in vain. These past several months, I have been reminded of past lessons, and have learned new ones:

- (Neal A. Maxwell) There are 3 types of suffering - 1) comes through sin, whether brought on by our own sins or that of a loved one; 2) the Lord allows the rain to fall upon the just and the unjust; 3) another type of suffering is our own Abrahamic test. If we do not understand it, and exercise sufficient faith in the Lord, we will not learn what he is trying to teach us. Ultimately leads to/determines our candidacy for exaltation.

- Some trials are taken away - literally overnight. Only in and through the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father, a way is provided for that trial to be over. But, it doesn't mean life is suddenly bliss and wonderful and easy. The Lord requires that we endure to the end - and it may be in the form of another trial after he's released us from the previous one. It may be that He has more for us to learn.

- We're often required to suffer to the "11th hour." Our darkest moments are usually right before the trial is lifted.

- Trust in the Lord's time table.

- Reaching out to others relieves our suffering. Doesn't have to be big or elaborate. Smile, hug, encourage, love - even if it's not reciprocated.

- Sometimes, we're asked to "wander in the wilderness" before the Lord reveals His will for us.

I'm sure if I sat and pondered some more, I could think of additional lessons.

Mostly, I just want to say thank you! Thank you for your love. Thank you for your support. I realize I've sounded really whiny and negative most of the time, but I needed you. Thank you for loving me in my whiny and sad state. Thank you for releaving me from my loneliness. Thank you for your encouragement.

So, we're in our 3rd house, and things are looking up. We live literally 5 minutes from a temple! Our ward members have been very welcoming. For the first time in 2 years, we feel like our wandering has come to an end. This is where the Lord wants us at this time. (Obviously, this doesn't mean an end to trials, but I don't think we're ready for the alternative.) We're suddenly feeling refreshed, refilled, and rejuvinated.

Maybe 3 really is a magic number...


Mariley Johnson said...

Glad to hear that you're happy where you're settling.
SOmetimes - all the time - when i feel frustrated or lonely i want to blog about it because i know someone will listen. Don't feel bad about it.

and Good luck!

BandHGardner said...

Watch this: http://www.youtube.com/mormonmessages#p/a/u/0/3B4El4B9LVw

It might add to your pondering. Love you!

BandHGardner said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
BandHGardner said...

Ok. I tried creating a link...

Anyway, it's the "Tender Mercies of the Lord" video on lds.org

Jackie said...

A couple of things.
You can blog whine any time you want.
Or email whine.
I'm good at listening, and for me I have an easier time expressing myself in writing sometimes than in person.
Almost easier with people I don't know too.

Other thing.
We are blessing baby Rosalee in Orem between the morning and afternoon sessions on April 3rd, it's Saturday (I hope. Whatever the date is...it's Saturday.)

We would love for you guys to be there if you can make it. LOVE LOVE LOVE, if you can!

Jackie said...

Send me and email if you want the info (address and stuff).
All the Saragers will be there and I am sure would love to see you too!

Candie said...

Sometimes we also have trials so we can help others learn from our own experiences. Thank you for sharing your trials and the things you've learned. I am so happy for you and your family to finally feel at home. I think it was Elder Maxwell who said that we must live in today and stop waiting for tomorrow to come... waiting for things to get better. Now you can happily live in today!


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