Monday, December 29, 2008

New Year's Resolutions

I like the idea of New Year's resolutions. I love the opportunity of raising the bar and challenging myself to be a better person, always improving. I love the feeling of acheivement. In recent years, life seems to have taken over - shuffling my resolutions to the bottom of my priority list, getting buried in the back of my mind - only to induce guilt later for not having accomplished my goals. I'm starting to understand why so many people hate making resolutions. But it's tradition! - and, in my opinion, a very valuable one. So as 2009 looms before me only three days away, I find myself pondering on this last year. What a roller coaster it has been! I am drained in every possible way. I often feel like an emotional wreck, on the verge of a mental breakdown, and spiritually empty. At times, these feelings overwhelm me so that I feel like I am literally suffocating.

To become whole again, I feel like I need to give time to myself. I want desperately to feast in and study the scriptures, instead of the mundane flip it open and read a verse, or the occasional conference/ensign article. What would it be like to exercise without two small bodies literally hanging onto my legs? Or to shower every day; to have my legs shaved regularly; and hair, makeup, nails always in place? All I'm asking is for 3 hours a day to myself! Is that too much to ask for in a 24-hour day?! I used to think the solutions were easy: get up an hour or two earlier, utilize your infant/toddler's naps by having it at the same time every day, incorporate "quiet time" as they outgrow the napping phase, put them to bed at 7, develop your talents and hobbies ... all it takes is organization and self-discipline, right? If only it were that easy! Laci is an early-bird who wakes as soon as she hears the first noise of the day - whether it's at 4 or 6 am; Jacob is a night owl. Laci naps in the afternoon, Jacob naps sporadically, most often in the morning. He follows me like a shadow, wherever it may be around the house. He literally cries, not just when I leave to go somewhere, but the entire time I am away! The solutions are not simple, and I literally have no time to myself!

As I move forward into 2009, what goals do I set? - with two young children to raise, a husband to support, callings to magnify, people to meet, friends to make, family relationships to nurture, current friendships to maintain, a house to keep clean, meals to prepare, grocery shopping to do, date night to retain, one-on-one time with each child to set aside? ... the list is never-ending, even when I take myself out of the picture! There are never enough hours in the day, and I want three to myself?! um, yeah right!

So, all these thoughts were swimming in my mind this morning as I opened up Elder Perry's talk, Let Him Do It with Simplicity, from this last general conference. The following quote seemed to lift right off the page:

When our lives turn in an unanticipated and undesirable direction, sometimes we experience stress and anxiety. One of the challenges of this mortal experience is to not allow the stresses and strains of life to get the better of us—to endure the varied seasons of life while remaining positive, even optimistic. Perhaps when difficulties and challenges strike, we should have these hopeful words of Robert Browning etched in our minds: “The best is yet to be” (“Rabbi Ben Ezra,” in Charles W. Eliot, ed., The Harvard Classics, 50 vols. [1909–10], 42:1103). We can’t predict all the struggles and storms in life, not even the ones just around the next corner, but as persons of faith and hope, we know beyond the shadow of any doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true and the best is yet to come.

So, I still don't know what my New Year's resolutions are for 2009, and I don't know how I am going to ever accomplish everything I want to. But I have the peace of mind knowing that I am a person of faith and hope, I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that the gospel of Jesus Christ is true ... so, why shouldn't I believe that the best is yet to come? - whether my legs are shaved or not!

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

New Favorite Christmas Carol

So last night after I putting the kdis to bed and cleaning up the kitchen, Jason was still at work salting roads. He took over for a guy on vacation this week. It means working longer hours for Jason and single motherhood for me, but we are definitely glad for the extra money! Even though Jason has a job now, our budget has been really tight since we've been doubling up car payments and other expense from when he didn't have work, and hospital expenses from when we had Jacob, and the list seems to get longer and longer with two growing kids. Anyway, I won't bore you with my financial stresses.

After getting the kids to bed and a clean kitchen, I was really excited to have some time to myself. I turned on the TV, and as I was flipping through the channels, came across Faith Hill's Christmas concert. She sang a song that has become a new favorite of mine. I've added it to my playlist; you can go to the bottom and click on it to listen. It's called A Baby Changes Everything, and captures what Mary might have been feeling during her pregnancy and the birth of our Savior.

Monday, December 22, 2008


... pancakes. Jacob ate 7 pancakes!

My first reaction: where does it all go in his tiny little body?

Then, that's my boy!

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Calling all addresses!

Hi All -

I am so excited to actually send out Christmas cards this year! It's rather embarrassing that it's taken me so long to get organized enough to accomplish such a huge undertaking. But I'm going to swallow my pride for a minute, so that I can ask for your addresses.

Just email them to, and then watch your mailbox!

Friday, December 19, 2008


Thank you for those of you who left comments on my blog. This mothering thing is hard, and sometimes I wonder where I went wrong! But it helps to know that my friends have days like that, too. Thank you, Stacey, for the spiritual quote. I'm going to look up his talk today.

So, today I turn 25. I have been DREADING this birthday. I'm not sure why. Maybe because it's halfway to 30? Or because I still feel 18 at heart? And, now I have to mark the "25-30" category when I fill out paperwork? I know, some of you are laughing hysterically because you passed this birthday years ago. And, sometimes I think I'm just being silly for getting myself worked up so much over it. I'll embrace it soon enough.

I'm definitely embracing my relaxing morning: Laci actually slept in past 5 am; in fact, it's almost 8 and she's still sleeping! Jacob played, instead of clinging, at my feet while I worked on my Christmas cards. Jason didn't have to go into work before 6:30 am. These are the perfect birthday gifts!

Wednesday, December 17, 2008


Okay, so yesterday was extremely hectic as I was busily making cupcakes, frosting the cupcakes, cleaning the house, and making dinner for Jacob's birthday. Sure, he's only one, and he won't remember that the house was clean or what he had for dinner, but I wanted to get it all done early so I wouldn't feel rushed at the close of my day. I wanted to enjoy the evening without wishing the house was clean or feeling frazzled.

We had homemade salsa and guacamole with tostadas. We're big Mexican food fans, maybe living in Arizona has something to do with it? :) I managed to vacuum and mop. However, despite my best efforts, at the end of the day I was still frazzled.

Laci was on one all day yesterday! My independent, will-of-iron 3-year-old would not let up! I'm not exaggerating when I say she spent the majority of her day in her bedroom. Poor girl. (My neighbors were probably on the verge of calling CPS, because she does not stay in time-out quietly.) There was screaming and kicking of doors, wailing, and nashing of teeth! Sigh. Sometimes, I feel like I'm failing tremendously as a parent!

Tuesday, December 16, 2008

1 year ago...

Jacob was born!

My sweet Jacob, you bring so much to our home. As I contemplate on this past year, I think how difficult your first months of life were, as you dealt with nearly 6 months of colic. It was hard to watch you struggle so much with the pain. Mommy was your only comfort then.

Now, you chase Laci around the house, sometimes playing with her for hours. You've put up with a lot from that little girl! Yet, you never seemed to care much. Somehow you understood that "rough" is just how Laci is - and now, you welcome the rough and tumbles.

Daddy looked forward to your birth ... someone to play trucks with, take to a football game, and perhaps someday, watch your own. How he loves you!

Thank you for your warm smiles and tender hugs. As your mother, I marvel at your quiet strength. Your inner peace and quiet dignity fill the room as you enter. I feel so honored to be your mother, and I can't wait to see what wonderful things the Lord has in store for you.

Happy Birthday! We love you.

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