Today, I went in for an ultrasound because I've been experiencing some light bleeding over the last few days. I really haven't been worried. Current research suggests that bleeding, even during the 1st trimester, is quite common and does not always mean impending miscarriage. However, during the procedure, we found that the embryo does not have a heartbeat, and measured 6 weeks, 4 days. I should be entering week 8, (which is still less than I thought, but a 40-day cycle does throw things off a bit; in a 28-day cycle, I should be entering week 12.)
Suprisingly, I'm not devastated. (There's no doubt that I would feel differently if infertility was an issue.) But, even with infertility out of the picture, I would be naive to think that I would never miscarry. It is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; many women may not even know that they are pregnant, attributing it to a heavy period. (I think we all know at least 1 person who has miscarried, if it is not something we have personally experienced.) Furthermore, I don't believe miscarriages define how many spirits Heavenly Father will send to each home. He knows the number, and there is always wisdom in it.
Additionally, there is great value in personal experience. If for nothing else, I am grateful for the ability to empathize with others.
Being reminded how fragile and miraculous life is instills deeper appreciation for what we already have. I will definitely be hugging my sweet kids a little longer tonight!
You all know, from my previous posts, how difficult it has been for me to wrap my mind around getting pregnant again. Thankfully, to this surprise pregnancy, I am excited and willing.
Tuesday, June 9, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
the wonders of a neti pot
Whenever I overdo, my pregnant body lets me know I need to take it easy. So, after a very full last week - celebrating Memorial Day on Monday, Blake's bday on Tuesday, catching up on laundry on Wednesday, errand-running on Thursday, more laundry + ironing on Friday, & preparing Sunday's talk in between - I'm now fighting a head cold. Normally, I wouldn't mind popping the cold meds, but especially since I'm in my 1st trimester, I had to get creative. At first I thought I would just buy some nasal drops, but then I remembered my neti pot - which I bought during my pregnancy with Jacob because my allergies were so terrible.
In two days I have gone from totally and completely congested - we're talkin' can't-breath-through-your-nose-at-all congestion - to semi-congested.
Wow. This thing is great!
p.s. there are a ton of You-Tube how-to's. In case you're wondering how it works.
In two days I have gone from totally and completely congested - we're talkin' can't-breath-through-your-nose-at-all congestion - to semi-congested.
Wow. This thing is great!
p.s. there are a ton of You-Tube how-to's. In case you're wondering how it works.
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
response
There was a comment made on my blog earlier that I would like to respond to. This person - I don't know who you are even after following your blog link - was obviously offended by my strong feelings about not wanting to get pregnant again (...so soon, might I add!). Let me also clarify, I am thrilled! Not for a moment, since finding out that I am expecting again, have I cursed this pregnancy, dreaded this pregnancy, or wished baby #3 wasn't on the way! I am extremely excited. I am honored that my Father in Heaven trusts me enough to send me another one of His spirit children!
Before getting pregnant, however, as always there was the fear of the unknown. Was I going to have a difficult pregnancy again? How could I endure such another difficult pregnancy with Jacob so clingy? Might I also add that I am dealing with the possibility that Laci has ADD. (Or perhaps you are offended by that as well. Many people believe that ADD is a cop-out. My answer to that is, you haven't lived with a child who has ADD.)
Parenthood is a huge responsibility that I take seriously. If I am not equipped physically, emotionally, or spiritually to raise my first two children, how could I expect to add a third one to the mix? How can I expect them to grow into happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults if I myself am not happy, healthy, and well-adjusted? You cannot give what you don't have. By expressing my true and honest feelings, I am not trying to sound insensitive to those who cannot bear children. I would never presume to tell someone who is wishing with all their might to have just 1 child - only to fail with each attempt - to just get over it. We all have different trials. This wouldn't have been mine if there wasn't something that I needed to learn and grow from by experiencing it. Ultimately, I believe that whatever our trials, they are meant simply to strengthen our faith, mold our character, and deepen our reliance on God.
Before getting pregnant, however, as always there was the fear of the unknown. Was I going to have a difficult pregnancy again? How could I endure such another difficult pregnancy with Jacob so clingy? Might I also add that I am dealing with the possibility that Laci has ADD. (Or perhaps you are offended by that as well. Many people believe that ADD is a cop-out. My answer to that is, you haven't lived with a child who has ADD.)
Parenthood is a huge responsibility that I take seriously. If I am not equipped physically, emotionally, or spiritually to raise my first two children, how could I expect to add a third one to the mix? How can I expect them to grow into happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults if I myself am not happy, healthy, and well-adjusted? You cannot give what you don't have. By expressing my true and honest feelings, I am not trying to sound insensitive to those who cannot bear children. I would never presume to tell someone who is wishing with all their might to have just 1 child - only to fail with each attempt - to just get over it. We all have different trials. This wouldn't have been mine if there wasn't something that I needed to learn and grow from by experiencing it. Ultimately, I believe that whatever our trials, they are meant simply to strengthen our faith, mold our character, and deepen our reliance on God.
taken completely by surprise!
So, most of you have noticed our baby countdown by now. Yep, baby #3 is on the way! Was this a planned pregnancy? Nope. Were we completely, utterly, and totally surprised? Yep.
Ironicially, Jason and I were looking at the calendar a few weeks ago to plan our summer family outings. Randomly, I just made the comment, "Well, at least we don't have to worry about having another baby in December." (Little did I know...)
FYI: Between our two immediate families this will be birthday #8 in the month of December!
Here's the deal. I haven't even been interested in the idea of getting pregnant again - at least not for a while. I've considered toward the end of the year as a nice time to start thinking about getting pregnant ... only to find out that I will be delivering at that time, yet again! Wow. Okay, so here are the reasons why I have not been excited at the prospect of another pregnancy.
1) I am sick and tired of being fat! No, I'm not obese, but I am overweight. Size 10 and 140 lbs. is a long way from my size 2, 100 lb., frame before I started having children. I desperately wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant again! - especially after having a c-section with Jacob, which totally throws your body off in ways you never imagined! (Yeah, surgery would be ideal, but nothing I could set my heart on at this point, and most likely, ever.) It's heart-breaking and discouraging, and if I spent time dwelling on how much I hate it, I would curl up in a ball and wither away. I honestly feel like a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body!
2) My pregnancy with Jacob was awful! (I'm sure I had it coming because my pregnancy with Laci was textbook.) I was sick the entire 9 months, and it wasn't from the typical nausea that accompanies pregnancy. That came; and I swear that I knew I was pregnant the very day I conceived. That was bad. Worse still: if it was contagious, I caught it. I am not exaggerating when I say that I did not go a week of being well that by the end of the week, I was down with something else! I can't even remember everything that I caught! But in case you were wondering, here's a sample of what I experienced during that pregnancy: sinus infection that lasted 4 months, flu for 7 days, yeast infection that lasted 3 months, bladder issues that we won't go into, and just about everything else you can imagine. I shouldn't complain. I know women who experience hospitalization, IVs, and bed-rest their entire pregnancies. (But, seriously, I might as well have been on bed-rest the entire time!) I felt like Jacob was sucking every nutrient out of my body. (My OB's response to that was that "it's like a parasite to it's host" ... well, if you want to look at it like that. Not exactly the picture you want to have of your new bundle of joy.) Exhaustion is an understatement. Oh, and let's add 6 days overdue to the list, shall we? (That's a big leap when your previous delivery came 10 days early.)
3) As if a rough pregnancy wasn't bad enough, let's cut you open and give you 8 weeks of recovery time. Oh, but that's not enough, let's add colic for 6 months and clinginess for an additional 8. Yeah, you know it's bad when your fellow ward members nickname your infant, [my] "Siamese twin" and "hip child!" I literally held him 24 hours a day for 12 months! Let's forget about the crib, because he'll refuse to sleep in it - so much so that he'll pull himself out and fall to the floor at your first attempt to transition him to the crib (he was 6 months old!). Oh, but that's still not enough - let's add unemployment till all your savings are gone & an out-of-state move! (No wonder I'm still fat!)
Okay, so I've really slathered on the sarcasm, but I haven't exaggerated any of it! promise!
Tell me, was I crazy for not wanting another baby right away? I told Jason a few months ago that a suprise pregnancy is probably the only way that I would have ended up pregnant right now. Recently, though, I have started thinking, if I'm not feeling it's time for another one yet, am I ever going to feel it? Am I only going to have two? That would be a far cry from the family of 10 I was raised in. But I'm not my mom, so maybe I'm not meant to have a large family. Yet, that didn't feel right either.
I'm relieved that I didn't have to wrestle with that decision, and that the Lord simply took over. I am grateful that this pregnancy compares more closely to Laci's than to Jacob's. I'm still battling with my lowered immune system, but at least my energy is high. Definitely one of Father's many tender mercies.
That said, are we happy and excited? Absolutely!
p.s. this is our tie-breaker! And, we've decided that we won't find out the sex of the baby till he/she is born! (Laci was hoping for a girl baby and a boy baby, but since we're only having one, she's rooting for a girl.)
Ironicially, Jason and I were looking at the calendar a few weeks ago to plan our summer family outings. Randomly, I just made the comment, "Well, at least we don't have to worry about having another baby in December." (Little did I know...)
FYI: Between our two immediate families this will be birthday #8 in the month of December!
Here's the deal. I haven't even been interested in the idea of getting pregnant again - at least not for a while. I've considered toward the end of the year as a nice time to start thinking about getting pregnant ... only to find out that I will be delivering at that time, yet again! Wow. Okay, so here are the reasons why I have not been excited at the prospect of another pregnancy.
1) I am sick and tired of being fat! No, I'm not obese, but I am overweight. Size 10 and 140 lbs. is a long way from my size 2, 100 lb., frame before I started having children. I desperately wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant again! - especially after having a c-section with Jacob, which totally throws your body off in ways you never imagined! (Yeah, surgery would be ideal, but nothing I could set my heart on at this point, and most likely, ever.) It's heart-breaking and discouraging, and if I spent time dwelling on how much I hate it, I would curl up in a ball and wither away. I honestly feel like a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body!
2) My pregnancy with Jacob was awful! (I'm sure I had it coming because my pregnancy with Laci was textbook.) I was sick the entire 9 months, and it wasn't from the typical nausea that accompanies pregnancy. That came; and I swear that I knew I was pregnant the very day I conceived. That was bad. Worse still: if it was contagious, I caught it. I am not exaggerating when I say that I did not go a week of being well that by the end of the week, I was down with something else! I can't even remember everything that I caught! But in case you were wondering, here's a sample of what I experienced during that pregnancy: sinus infection that lasted 4 months, flu for 7 days, yeast infection that lasted 3 months, bladder issues that we won't go into, and just about everything else you can imagine. I shouldn't complain. I know women who experience hospitalization, IVs, and bed-rest their entire pregnancies. (But, seriously, I might as well have been on bed-rest the entire time!) I felt like Jacob was sucking every nutrient out of my body. (My OB's response to that was that "it's like a parasite to it's host" ... well, if you want to look at it like that. Not exactly the picture you want to have of your new bundle of joy.) Exhaustion is an understatement. Oh, and let's add 6 days overdue to the list, shall we? (That's a big leap when your previous delivery came 10 days early.)
3) As if a rough pregnancy wasn't bad enough, let's cut you open and give you 8 weeks of recovery time. Oh, but that's not enough, let's add colic for 6 months and clinginess for an additional 8. Yeah, you know it's bad when your fellow ward members nickname your infant, [my] "Siamese twin" and "hip child!" I literally held him 24 hours a day for 12 months! Let's forget about the crib, because he'll refuse to sleep in it - so much so that he'll pull himself out and fall to the floor at your first attempt to transition him to the crib (he was 6 months old!). Oh, but that's still not enough - let's add unemployment till all your savings are gone & an out-of-state move! (No wonder I'm still fat!)
Okay, so I've really slathered on the sarcasm, but I haven't exaggerated any of it! promise!
Tell me, was I crazy for not wanting another baby right away? I told Jason a few months ago that a suprise pregnancy is probably the only way that I would have ended up pregnant right now. Recently, though, I have started thinking, if I'm not feeling it's time for another one yet, am I ever going to feel it? Am I only going to have two? That would be a far cry from the family of 10 I was raised in. But I'm not my mom, so maybe I'm not meant to have a large family. Yet, that didn't feel right either.
I'm relieved that I didn't have to wrestle with that decision, and that the Lord simply took over. I am grateful that this pregnancy compares more closely to Laci's than to Jacob's. I'm still battling with my lowered immune system, but at least my energy is high. Definitely one of Father's many tender mercies.
That said, are we happy and excited? Absolutely!
p.s. this is our tie-breaker! And, we've decided that we won't find out the sex of the baby till he/she is born! (Laci was hoping for a girl baby and a boy baby, but since we're only having one, she's rooting for a girl.)
Monday, June 1, 2009
Day 2: Happy Birthday, Uncle Blake!
On May 26th my brother, Blake, turned 20 years old - which is so hard to believe! I remember holding him as a baby ... (I really don't think of myself as old until I realize how old all my younger siblings are.) And that's just mind-boggling!
Memories about Blake:
When Blake was about 18 months old, my mom left me in charge for maybe 30 minutes while she ran to the store. During that short period of time, Blake reaked havoc on our family room carpet! This is when we discovered that Blake could open the fridge. Before I realized what he was doing, he had grabbed 5 eggs and was throwing them on the carpet. Of course, the eggs cracked and left a giant, gooey mess to clean up. Not only did he get into the eggs, but he also managed to dump out dark green chlorophyl onto the carpet as well. Um, chlorophyl does not wash out. Yeah. (Thankfully, my mom stayed calm and collected when she walked in the door.) For months afterward our fridge was locked shut with masking tape wrapped around the handles ... and a new rug covered the spot where the green chlorophyl was spilt.
When I was in highschool, I would usually take 45+ minutes - like most highschool girls do - to get ready in the morning. There was rarely a morning that Blake wouldn't tell me I was beautiful as I walked out the door. What a sweetie!
After I had Laci, my mom and Jason's mom would trade days babysitting while I could finish my degree. Blake loved to rock Laci in our backyard swing. He was always able to get her to sleep. I'm sure Laci didn't even miss me because she felt so loved!
Currently, Blake is serving a mission in the Mesa Arizona Temple Baptistry. He absolutely loves it! This is a very fitting mission for Blake because family is everything to him. Three days a week, he gets to serve in a place where it's all about family! He is such a wonderful uncle to Laci and Jacob. I am so glad that we got to spend a few hours with him on his special day.
Happy Birthday, Blake! We love you -
Jason, Tiffini, Laci, & Jacob
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
2 days of fun, fun, fun in the sun!
Part 1: Memorial Day Celebration
When my family comes up to UT for Memorial Day (which depends on when school gets out), we have a really fun tradition! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts and -uncles, 2nd cousins - essentially, anyone and everyone who are in the area - meet at Nephi Cemetary. This is a special place to our family, as several of our family members, many of whom were early settlers of the Salt Lake valley, are buried here. Among them rests my Grandpa Tew. Here, local residents put on a Memorial Day program for all the veterans and their families.
Family starting to gather... of course, Jacob had to be passed around. He was a good sport about it, considering that he really doesn't like it.
Jacob and Grandma Tew
Laci and Jacob with my brother, Zac
Laci with Grandma Great
Jacob with my brother, Trey
Jacob with Grandma Farnsworth
Laci standing by Grandpa Tew's grave.
I just LOVE this picture!
Grandpa's name on the veteran's board: David Ivan Tew
Here are the veterans, marching with the colors.
raising the flag
gun salute
taps.
Laci swinging
When my family comes up to UT for Memorial Day (which depends on when school gets out), we have a really fun tradition! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts and -uncles, 2nd cousins - essentially, anyone and everyone who are in the area - meet at Nephi Cemetary. This is a special place to our family, as several of our family members, many of whom were early settlers of the Salt Lake valley, are buried here. Among them rests my Grandpa Tew. Here, local residents put on a Memorial Day program for all the veterans and their families.
Family starting to gather... of course, Jacob had to be passed around. He was a good sport about it, considering that he really doesn't like it.
Jacob and Grandma Tew(aka: GG or Grandma Great)
Laci and Jacob with my brother, Zac
Laci with Grandma Great 
Jacob with my brother, Trey
Jacob with Grandma Farnsworth
Laci standing by Grandpa Tew's grave.We all gathered 'round and sang "Families Are Forever."
That was a nice touch, Mom.
I just LOVE this picture!
Grandpa's name on the veteran's board: David Ivan Tew (Korean War).
Also on the list was his father, John Ivan Tew
(World War I).
I found out that my great-uncle Milton, Grandpa's older brother, served in World War II, as well. For some reason his name isn't included on the board ... maybe you have to be buried at the cemetary?
He is a very healthy and independent 88!
Here are the veterans, marching with the colors.
raising the flag
gun salute
taps.Then we headed over for a picnic at our traditional spot, Nephi Park. (not sure if that's the official name)
Laci swinging (I can't believe how big she's getting!)
Jacob with my brother Dane
And, finishing off the day with a tractor ride!
This tractor wagon has pulled 3 generations of grandchildren!
definitely brought back memories of Grandma and Grandpa's house...the small bowl of mints on Grandma's kitchen table, homemade ice cream, smell of fresh-cut grass, Sunday dinners, playing dressup under the pepper trees...
Jacob with my brother Dane
And, finishing off the day with a tractor ride!
This tractor wagon has pulled 3 generations of grandchildren!
definitely brought back memories of Grandma and Grandpa's house...the small bowl of mints on Grandma's kitchen table, homemade ice cream, smell of fresh-cut grass, Sunday dinners, playing dressup under the pepper trees...What would eternity be like without families?!
Sunday, May 24, 2009
I love to see the temple
Last night our family went to a VIP Construction Tour at the Oquirrh (pronounced O-Ker) Mountain Temple open house. This temple is really special to us. Jason's company did the landscape install on it, and they asked Jason to oversee the final stages this spring. The official open house dates run through June 1-August 1. It is beautiful! And, it is so humbling to think that Jason had a part in beautifying the grounds of Heavenly Father's newest house.
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