tied together with a smile

Quick Update

2011-09-08T14:37:00.000-07:00

Well - To begin, this is Jason. Tiffini is very busy as of late and I am bored at work so I will try to put a post together. It won't be as creative as Tiffini's are but it will show you that we are alive and doing well. Laci has started first grade and is still doing gymnastics. She has too many friends to keep track of and loves being outside. Jacob has started pre-school and as you can see from the picture he is excited. He never says much so Tiff and I have to really read his non-verbal expressions to see what he likes and doesn't like. He is also doing a pre-school sports program where he does a different sport each month. He has just finished soccer and is now doing football. Cole is getting bigger and LOUDER. He is going to be a talker. We decided to get rid of his pacifier last week since he will be going into nursery in a month. That meant that we had almost a solid week of no sleep. He is getting better though. Tiffini is very busy with her piano lessons and watching Tyler. He is a recent addition to our family. Tiff watches him for his Dad during the week. He is a great kid and is really no problem at all. He is the same age of Laci and is even in her class. I just finished my last semester of graduate school and am glad that it is over. I have my nights with my family again! So now you are all up to date with what has been going on with the Denham's. I hope you all enjoy the update.

joy in the journey

2011-02-06T12:55:00.001-08:00

Busier than I've ever been!

Go, go, go from sun up to sun down.

Striving to meet all the needs of those depending on me.

Never enough hours in the day!

Sometime's its overwhelming.

Sometimes it's chaotic.

Often it's exhausting.

There isn't a lot of thanks for what I do.

It doesn't come wrapped in beautiful boxes, hefty price tags, and fame.

Not a single regret.

Joy in motherhood reveals itself in the small and simple things.

Smiles.

Hugs.

Kisses.

Laughter.

Precious moments shared.

Peace.

hmm...

2011-01-31T13:37:00.001-08:00

you can see when I started my last post, and that I'm just NOW getting it up. Sigh.

when did my life hit the crazy button?

2010-12-13T16:33:00.001-08:00

Seriously, someone smashed that thing down, and it hasn't let up since! I can't believe my last post was in October! Not even a single holiday post! So, here's the last few months in a nutshell...

We made our annual Thanksgiving trip to AZ in November. Around the same time, I started babysitting a boy in Laci's school class - more on him later. Two weeks later, we drove a 53- hour round-trip to San Diego for my sister's wedding. (We only spent 8 hours out of the car!) Two weeks later, Christmas came and went, and Jason's family spent New Year's in UT. AND, the first week in January, I started teaching piano again. I am SO behind on blogging that Jason is more up-to-date on all our friends' blogs than I am! Yah, it's pretty sad.

Speaking of Jason, he has reached his halfway mark toward getting his masters degree. I feel so blessed that it hasn't been extremely difficult having him gone so much. I do feel it from time to time, but I honestly feel like that burden has been made light.

Laci is my school girl. She LOVES every minute of it - especially making friends, as her teacher notified me during our parent-teacher conference in November. I wasn't at all surprised. Hopefully, it's not impeding too much with her learning! She's also moved up to the next level in gymnastics. (I think we've found her niche.) This is the second time they've had her move up early.

Trying to figure out what to do with Jacob when Laci is gone. He literally wants to watch movies, if I'm not dragging him along for errands or doctor's appointments. I've started to believe that maybe it's not so much that he feels lost, but that he's taking advantage of his "down time" because when Laci is home, she keeps him going, going, going...

Cole is crawling all over the place! Oh, but that is not all, he pulls himself up on ANYTHING he can. He is happy and smiling all the time. Thank heavens!

The newest member of our family - well, 5 days a week - is Tyler. He and his dad moved onto our street from South Carolina, and needed a sitter while his dad goes to work. So, I watch Tyler Monday through Friday from 7:45 am till 6 pm. Sometimes till 6:30. He is a sweet boy and fits in really well here. I won't say it hasn't been an adjustment for everyone. It has. But, all things considered, I could have signed up for a nightmare. And, it hasn't been that.

So, that's it. Hope I can stay more on top of my posts. I'll do my best.

GG's house + mountains = paradise

2010-10-14T11:40:00.000-07:00

We love visiting GG! The view is breath-taking, her house is so peaceful, and who doesn't love visiting their grandma?

On this visit, my Uncle Brian and Aunt Jackie were in town from Washington. Our kids had a blast together!

Eating lunch on the porch.

Front to back: Sienna, Laci, Jacob, Colin.

Sienna has the most beautiful smile!

This picture brings back memories of playing under the pepper trees at Grandma and Grandpa's old house in California.

Yep, once upon a time, this was Sara and me.

Snack time!

We miss our Washington cousins! Can't wait to see you again.

On this visit, the kids played on the patio outside with pieces of scrap wood and weeding shovels.

hangin' out

chasing butterflies

wishing for another great summer next year

Thanks for having us over, GG! We love you!

good-bye to summer, part 1:

2010-09-19T20:18:00.001-07:00

We've had such a FUN summer! Lots of places to go and people to see...

Stop #1

THE SPLASH POOL

sensory overload

2010-08-31T18:35:00.000-07:00

Desperately needing to update. I'm in catch up mode after two weeks of pink eye and flu ... didn't we just go through this a couple months ago? I seriously feel like my life is a broken record sometimes!

Update coming soon with pics from our summer adventures and Laci's first day of school!

lost that loving feeling?

2010-08-16T19:21:00.000-07:00

Not me! I started adding things up and realized that our dinner tonight cost a whole $2.68. Basically a stir-fry, I already had the brown rice and seasonings in my pantry, split the 79 cents per pound broccoli between two meals , 1 yellow bell pepper, and Italian sausage - also split between a second meal. Fed 4. I am feeling pretty dang proud of myself!

Want the recipe? Find it HERE. (You'll notice I didn't use the sausage she recommends - mainly because I couldn't find it.)

So, next time I've lost that loving feeling in the monotony of dinner-making, I'm going to see how cheap I can get the pricetag on my next meal!

starting a new tribe

2010-08-12T18:47:00.000-07:00

We just started the 4th chapter in the book of Mormon, reading about the Josephites, Jacobites and Nephites. Suddenly, we hear Laci's high-pitched, curiosity-filled voice:

Why aren't there any Laci-ites?

if you are a s'more lover

2010-08-01T19:02:00.000-07:00

then you will like this RECIPE. Just tried it out for a new FHE treat tonight.

mouthwatering.

rich.

yummy.

***

As of this week, Jason completed his first semester toward his MRED program.

{Masters in Real Estate Development.}

3 more to go!

I'm a mean mom

2010-07-21T07:40:00.000-07:00

I'm not a big fan of video or computer games. I detest the mind-numbing, sedentary-ness, and noise of it all! Let me illustrate how strongly I feel about this: When Jon Kerry was running for president, his wife revealed in an interview that while raising her children, she would only allow them to watch TV for 30 minutes a day. They also had to write a report on the program they watched. I have been VERY tempted. As it is, I do monitor what my kids watch, how long they watch, and when Laci is in school the TV won't be on during weekdays. Children need to be running, playing, exploring, learning. Not sitting on a couch or chair for hours on end, engaging in brainless activities. TV, video and computer games, in and of themselves aren't bad. But, I just don't want to provide an opportunity for turning into a slave of the TV/computer.

So, even though Laci is almost 5, I haven't allowed her to play video or computer games.

...until recently.

My mom, having worked in the primary for several years, told me about THIS. It's the Friend magazine online. Laci loves the scripture reader section, doing puzzles, and coloring the temple. She especially loves the primary music that plays in the background. I even let her do it on Sunday as a reverent activity (since those can be hard to come by and we don't let our kids play outside).

So, then I explored around a bit, and she can go onto the Disney and PBS websites. She loves the Disney Princess section, and I'm all for developing reading skills! I monitor how long she plays on it, so it's not ALL she does. And, I have to say, it's been a fun discovery for the both of us.

But, I'm curious: what do you think about the subject? (Am I too extreme?) What are your favorite websites for your kids? Do you recommend other educational websites?

a little miffed

2010-07-20T16:18:00.000-07:00

So, I took the kids to the community splash pool today, which we've done every week this summer - minus a few when I was potty-training Jacob. The kids have a blast. I enjoy having a free place to take them and a reason to get out of the house. I always shoot for 10am, but usually don't get there till around 10:30 or 11. We actually made to the pool at on time...for the first time this summer. I even packed a small picnic so we could stay a little longer, if the kids wanted to. Having accomplished this - as many of you know, is no small feat - I was feeling pretty good about myself. When we arrived, my satisfaction multiplied when I noticed I was the first one there.

Oh, this excitement was quickly dashed when I was approached by the pool watcher (apparently, he's not a lifeguard; so I'm calling him pool watcher.) He's essentially there to make sure we have our pool cards and - as I learned today, that children under the age of 3 have a swim diaper AND plastic cover over the top. Okay, as a fellow parent, I can appreciate the gesture. The last thing I want is for one of my kids to be swimming in a pool when another child has a #2 accident (because let's be honest, here, every child pees in the pool). But, I started to get little annoyed when I told him that Jacob is potty-trained, and the pool watcher responded that he's still under the age of 3. And, I got really annoyed when he told me I could purchase a diaper cover for $10. Ten dollars! That's the same price as a whole pack of swim diapers! I enjoy the splash pool, but not that much.

So, I packed the kids up and we went home. They weren't too disappointed when I suggested a bubble bath with their swimsuits on. They played in there for almost a full hour! Note to self, arrive late at the pool from now on so that the pool watcher will be too busy to notice my 2 1/2 year old without his $10 swim cover!

correction

2010-07-07T07:09:00.000-07:00

If you've already read my previous post, you may have noticed my error. Bruce R. McConkie did not write Jesus the Christ; James E. Talmage did.

*Leave it to my scriptorian hubby to pick up on my mistake. :) I'm glad he did!

gift

2010-07-06T12:15:00.000-07:00

My heart is so full today. Full of love for my sweet children, full of wonder as I gaze into my new son's face, full of awe for the miracle that he is, full of joy for the beauty of today, full of gratitude to my Father in Heaven. I feel like I could just burst! How does one store so many feelings at once?

Maybe they're not meant to be stored.

Today is a day where I feel like I can give, and give, and give. Endlessly give to anyone and everyone who enters my path. That in and of itself is a gift. There are some who have this gift always. President Monson is a good example. How in the world did he visit 86 widows every year (until they all passed) with the demands of work, family, new (increasingly heavier) callings?

My mom is another good example of this. I often wonder how she does it all -- raise 10 kids, often holding multiple callings, cooking from scratch, keeping a clean and organized household, serving others at the drop of a hat -- how does she find the capacity to keep on giving, how can she continually put herself and her needs aside for everyone else?

Selfless. 100%.

It's so simple for them as they emulate and follow the perfect example of our Savior ---

the Giver of all gifts.

Nowhere in the scriptures does it say that there is a limited supply, once it's run out you have to wait your turn for a refill. In fact, over and over we're taught to "come unto me; seek ye the best gifts; ask, and ye shall receive." Elder Eyring states in this month's Presidency Message, [The needs of others] "may be visible to you only if you have prayed for the Spirit to give you eyes to see into hearts and have promised to lift up the hands that hang down."

James E. Talmage teaches in Jesus the Christ that our Lord and Savior was born with the veil placed upon his mind, just like the rest of us. He "grew in wisdom and stature." And, as He turned to His Father in prayer, it was through personal revelation that He learned of His foreordination and divine role as the Savior of the world.

My Savior.

Your Savior.

Even if it meant saving only one.

He was perfect because he had the fullness of the Spirit with Him always.

Doesn't He command to "be perfect even as I and my Father in Heaven are perfect?" This is obtainable only as we draw nearer to the Spirit, and come to understand what our spiritual gifts are, what we were sent here to do, believing that we'll be given the capacity to use each gift to its fullest.

Gifts like today - where my heart is so full I feel like I'm going to burst - don't have to be just a sweet memory. I shouldn't be waiting for people to enter my path. I should be actively seeking them, as I draw nearer to the Spirit and allowing it to guide me to them. growing "in wisdom and stature" until I become even as He is.

mach speed

2010-07-02T13:35:00.000-07:00

Do you ever feel like you're running in a million directions at a million miles per hour - and have very little to show for it? If you don't know that feeling, then you've never lived, my friend! You see, reaching impossibly high - as always - (I do sometimes ask myself, why are you doing this to me? And, I always answer, because you love it!), I decided that I wanted to fill our summer schedule with fun activities (because apparently, feeding a baby every two hours isn't demanding enough): splash pool once a week, library once a week, lake/park once a week, grocery shopping once a week (not too fun for the kiddos, but it has to be done), go to GG's (great-grandma) every other week. I will soon be adding swimming lessons for Laci (not free, but getting a great deal from sis-in-law), and I've heard about designating one day a week for photography - adding that to the list! And, whatever fun - and, more importantly, FREE - activities that may present themselves.

We were doing really well up until last week and then it all went out the window when I had the flu Monday and Tuesday. (Can we say, RANDOM!) Then, on Wednesday, completely fed up with buying diapers for two, I decided to try my hand again at potty-training Jacob. The 3-day potty training is a miracle-worker, but the child absolutely must be mentally and emotionally ready -- meaning, they cannot be deathly afraid of the toilet! It's difficult enough already that Jacob is my child who very much despises any kind of change, so transitioning to anything new for him can be tricky. But this time, a small toilet insert/cover + an older and wiser Jacob = success! By day 3, he took off and hasn't looked back since! I'm so proud of him!

This Monday we made it to GG's house, and had a blast! And, now this is where the not-so-much-to-show-for-it part comes in: Laundry. Piles of it filling my basement...not a good thing when you have a newly potty-trained child running around! What can I say, accidents still happen with miracle-workers. And, you wouldn't think 1 little baby would add that much more laundry, but if you're like me and wash all their clothes separate for the first year (because I just can't mix their sweet-smelling, even the poop-filled clothes give off a sweet odor, with our older bodies, sweat-filled clothes), then it does! And, going almost two weeks without doing any laundry is hazardous for everyone's health -- and underwear supply.

Poor Jacob had to sleep two nights in one of Laci's night shirts and would have had to borrow a pair of her underwear, too, on the second night - but she was wearing her last pair! So, he had to go without. It was then that I realized just how far behind I've gotten...

And, there you have it! Two days of laundry catch up, then next week the kids and I will be so happy to resume our high-speed, activity-filled summer routine.

mother-to-mother

2010-06-27T15:49:00.001-07:00

The lesson in Relief Society today came from Elder Hales' Conference talk titled Our Duty to God: The Mission of Parents and Leaders to the Rising Generation. We had a really great discussion. I love those kind of lessons - where we get to learn from each other rather than be lectured to. I feel like I get to relish in a wealth of wisdom, experiences, and testimonies.

One mom shared how she strikes up the "after school" conversation with her kids. Instead of just asking how was your day or how was school, she asks:

What is the best thing that happened to you today?

What is the worst thing that happened to you today?

What is the funniest thing that happened to you today?

What a great way to keep the lines of communication open! Aha moment -- specific questions require specific answers. As I make this a daily practice, I hope that the take-home message to my kids will be: I'm interested in your life, I want what is best for you, I won't judge you, I love you.

For posterity's sake...

2010-06-18T21:11:00.000-07:00

Finally getting around to updating our already outdated pics and kids' descriptions. Before making any changes, though, I wanted to save what I have. I'll be adding Cole's newborn pics as soon as they get here. Just had them taken and ordered today!

Laci - turned 3 in August. Energizer bunny. She is the perfect juxtaposition of tomboy and princess. Her favorite color is pink, loves dressing up, painting her fingernails, and is addicted to chapstick. She also loves exploring outdoors, playing catch, and rough and tumbling with Daddy and Jacob. Fiercely independent. Laci is a wonderful helper to Mommy, and a sweet sister to Jacob. Jason and I often joke that we could stock up the pantry and leave for a week...Laci would not only survive, but she would be able to take care of Jacob, too! Cntagiously happy. Laci has a smile for everyone, and brings joy to all she meets.

Jacob - 1 year old. All boy! He loves to rough and tumble, no matter how big his opponent! Tenderhearted. Jacob loves to snuggle, and is never too far from Mommy. He loves hanging out with Daddy, just bein' one of the boys. He and Laci are best buds! Content. His calm dimeanor and mild manners bring such a sweet spirit to our home.

Wow! Reading over these again, not much has changed in the last year.

LOST

2010-06-17T21:13:00.001-07:00

Now that the series over, we're hooked. Thanks to Netflix, we can watch them one after another and not have to wait a week between episodes.

Time for more recipes...

2010-06-09T20:14:00.000-07:00

Applebee's Oriental Chicken Salad

Dressing

3 T. honey

1 1/2 T. rice wine vinegar

1/4 c. mayo

1 tsp. Dijon mustard

1/8 tsp. sesame oil

Blend all ingredients together in small bowl. Chill.

Salad

2/4 c. veg. oil (frying)

1 egg

1/2 c. milk

1/2 c. flour

1/2 c. corn flake crumbs

1 tsp. salt

1.4 tsp. pepper

1 skinless chicken breast (I used 4 keeping the rest of the ingredients the same - and there was plenty!)

3 c. romaine lettuce, chopped

1 c. red cabbage, chopped

1 c. Napa cabbage, chopped

1/2 carrot, shredded

1 gr. onion, chopped

1 T. almonds, sliced

1/2 c. crispy chow mein noodles, optional

Preheat oven 350 degrees. In shallow bowl, beat egg and milk; mix well. In another shallow bowl, combine flour, corn flakes, salt and pepper. Cut chicken breast into strips, lengthwise. Dip each strip into egg mixture, then into flour mixture. Fry each chicken finger for about 5 minutes.

Prepare salad by tossing salad greens and carrots together. Sprinkle green onion on top of lettuce. Toast almonds in small skillet for 3-4 minutes; sprinkle over salad. Add chow mein noodles. Place chicken fingers on top of salad. Serve dressing on the side.

*I actually skipped breading and frying the chicken because I didn't have corn flakes. So, I sprinkled and rubbed in salt, pepper, & ginger on each side of the chicken breasts. Stuck them under the broiler for 7-8 minutes on each side. Ended up still really yummy without the calories of breading and frying. Although, if I had had corn flakes, I would have kept that step in because it's just so YUMMY!

My Mother-in-law made these next two recipes for us while she was up here. It is SO good!

Mushroom Rice

1 stick butter, melted

1 onion, diced

1 1/2 c. rice

3 beef bouillon cubes

3 c. water

1 can mushrooms, sliced

1/4 c. Parmesan cheese

1-2 T. rosemary leaves*

garlic to taste

Melt butter and saute rice and onions. Add water, bouillon, mushrooms, rosemary, and garlic to mixture. Sprinkle in Parmesan. Mix & cover with lid. For white rice, cook 20 minutes. For brown rice, cook 40 minutes.

*Great tip she gave me: use a metal tea-steeper for the rosemary leaves. Leave it in while it bakes, and take it out when ready to serve. That way, you have all the flavory without having to bite into twigs.

Parmesan Chicken

1 c. bread crumbs, Italian seasoned

1/4 c. parsley leaves

1/4 c. parmesan cheese, canned

1 1/2 tsp. seasoned salt

1/4 tsp. pepper

In shallow dish, mix together the bread crumbs, parsley, parmesan, salt and pepper. Set aside.

1/3 c. butter

8-10 chicken breasts

Melt butter. Roll chicken in butter, then in bread crumb mixture. Place in casserole dish. Bake, uncovered, 325 degrees for 30 minutes. Cover; reduce heat 275 degrees and bake for 1 hour.

ENJOY! (I know I did!)

chilhood crush?

2010-06-08T10:04:00.000-07:00

So, the family we sat behind at church has a little boy in Laci's primary class. When he turned around to say hi to Laci, she gave him a big hug, which isn't rare for Laci. She loves everyone and always hugs her friends when she sees them. It's just who she is, ya know? He stayed turned around smiling at her then asked me, "Is Laci in a new class now?" I explained to him that Laci had been home with us for a few weeks until we were ready to bring the new baby to church, but that she was still in the same class. Apparently, he had really missed her because he never turned back around - for the entire meeting - and just stared at Laci. At one point, I leaned over to Jason and whispered, "Do you think someone has a little crush?" And, he thought I was talking about Laci because she certainly wasn't ignoring his attention.

At the close of the meeting, this little boy leaned over our bench and said quite timidly to Jason, hesitating between each word, "Can -- you -- tell -- Laci -- that" (pause)

Jason encouraged, "Yes?"

(quite emphatically) "she's BEAUTIFUL!"

Meanwhile, Laci walked around to his bench, grabbed his hand and said, "Come on, let's go!" And, off they went to primary, hand-in-hand!

recent - and not so recent - adventures

2010-06-07T09:48:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was our first Sunday back to church since Cole was born. (I figured since it's not cold/flu season, it's safe to bring him out at 4 weeks.)

Here he is in his church clothes.

These were Jacob's church clothes, too. As I was dressing Cole in them, I remembered that a little old lady at church came to look at Jacob and scolded me for dressing him "so grown up and not like a baby." I think she was a little miffed that she misguessed his age.

We are told to dress in our Sunday best, are we not? Baby girls get to wear big poofy dresses, tights, and flowers in their hair. Why do baby boys get treated differently?

Frankly, I don't care what anyone says, I think he looks so cute!

(Oh, and how's this for your first Sunday back? We weren't there for more than 10 minutes and one of the bishopric members asked us to speak in two weeks! We're actually really excited because they gave us a really great topic: covenants. Welcome back...)

Spencer and Hilary recently moved to UT. This is their 4-month-old baby girl, Blayke. She is a beauty!

The pictures just don't do her justice. And, no matter how many times I tried to turn his head, Cole insisted on giving us a profile at the last second.

Laci loves EVERY minute of being a big sister to a new baby!

So does Jacob.

Here we are at the Living Aquarium in Sandy. We went here when Jason's mom and sisters were here. It's been two weeks and I'm finally posting about their visit!

The kids LOVED the penguins - though, I think they didn't enjoy having to pose for pictures every few minutes.

This one looks like he's getting ready to take flight. We thought maybe he was going to dive in. Apparently not, because he stood like this for about 15 minutes! (You'd think his wings would get tired.)

It was so fun getting to see penguins this close up!

Here we are in the frog section. The kids also LOVED this area. They thought it was such a blast being bale to climb on a giant frog. (Jacob kept yelling out, "Princess and the Frog!", his new Disney favorite.)

And, here's more of what we got to see there...

Boa Constrictor

Piranha

There was also a shark tank and sting rey petting exhibit. I just didn't get pictures of those.

This was a fun area, too. The kids got to climb through make-believe tunnels of coral and sea animals.

I don't think Jacob was supposed to climb up here, but it still made a cute picture!

Hiding in a coral-reef cave.

From left to right: Holly with her son, Guess; Jacob, (yes, dressed in pink); Laci, Ashley, Cole, and Baba.

We had SO much fun with the Denham's here. (We really missed Papa and Sarah!) This is all I have pictures of, but we had a nail & Twilight party, visited Temple Square, and played LOTS of games. Great memories.

stopping to smell the roses

2010-05-26T19:20:00.001-07:00

is MUCH harder to do with a new baby!

A HUGE part of me wishes that all I had to do was take care of Cole. I could literally sit and stare at him all day! His little arms are plumper, his double chin rounder, his neck thicker, the creases in his skin deeper. I'm probably the only one who would even notice these minute changes. I know this should be something to celebrate...my baby is thriving, right? But, it still makes me well up with sentimental tears. How could my baby have changed so quickly?

But, such a wish is not realistic.

Reality is the kitchen floor that hasn't been washed since BEFORE Cole was born. Yuck! - and that's not the only task of housework that has been neglected so long, either. I have actually managed to wash and fold 4 loads of laundry today though.

Reality is that my older kids are feeling the neglect (maybe distraction is a nicer word, but I'm not sure that's how they see it) a newborn entails:

Jacob has been insisting on not just wearing, but twirling, in Laci's church dresses while announcing "Princess!" Classic middle child syndrome taken to a new level? This used to be an occurrence that Laci would instigate. I'm not sure how I feel about him taking the reigns. You know, 20 years ago, boys dressing in their older sisters' clothing could be laughed off. In today's society, however, I just don't think it can be anymore. Jacob needs to know he's a boy! As it is, I haven't put my foot down with him carrying Laci's doll around or playing with Barbies. And, as if that's not enouch, he's definitely mastered selective hearing to the max.

Maybe that's something he's learned from Laci. She literally ignores any orders I give. I feel like I'm repeating myself 100x before getting a reaction from either of them! Any suggestions for putting an end to this? I'm definitely going to go crazy or grey or bald from pulling my hair out during these LONG days while Jason attends school.

On the flip side, when I stop to smell the roses...

I can see that Laci and Jacob adore our little bundle as much as I do. It lights up on their faces each time they look at him.

Laci insists on pushing his swing (even though it has a motor to keep it going) or changing his diaper.

Jacob makes sure Cole has the necessities of pacifier, blanket, and toys around him at all times.

They instantly tell me if he starts crying, and get angry at me (or take matters into their own hands - which can be really scary!) if they feel like I'm taking too long responding.

During stories, they each hold Cole in their beds while I read: every day, Jacob asks to hold "Baby Cole" before I start reading. Laci begs - every time - for more stories just so she could hold him longer!

I mean, really, the roses just don't get any sweeter than that!

story behind the name

2010-05-17T12:21:00.000-07:00

Sarah Cole is my great-great grandmother. We don't know much about her. What we do know is that she was born in England, and joined the Church there. After travelling to America, she met who would become her her husband, Edward Oakey.

We do know a little more about him, however. He was taught the gospel and baptized by Wilford Woodruff in England. Edward then sold his entire inheritance - much to the chagrin of his family members - in order to pay the passage to America for many LDS saints. He was completely broke after that. Through much personal sacrifice, he joined the saints in America. Upon meeting Sarah, the two married. Together, they settled in Nephi, Utah.

Sarah Cole's daughter, Ellen Lavelle, had deep brown eyes that looked almost black. Those eyes, I was often told from her son, my Grandpa Tew, I had inherited from her. With an affectionate smile, he would look deep into my eyes and say, "You're eyes are just like my mother's, Ellen Lavelle." Even as a little girl, I could tell it pleased him that those eyes were passed down to one of his posterity. So far, Laci and Jacob have also inherited those eyes...and it looks like Cole will have them, too.

Even though we don't know very much about Sarah Cole, we fell in love with her maiden name for this sweet new boy who has joined our family! We feel so honored to pass it on to him.

Hensley is also a family name. At age 18, my Grandma Tew - then Norma Hensley - joined the Church. She was always deeply spiritual growing up and upon hearing the missionaries, being baptized felt natural to her. She is an amazing pillar of strength, faith, and devotion to our family. We love her dearly, and it is in honor of her that we chose it for Cole's middle name.

LOTS of pictures!

2010-05-13T15:55:00.000-07:00

Cole Hensley Denham

literally minutes old

born May 8, 2010 at 8:10 am

8 lbs, 0 oz.

19.5 inches long

hi Mom

bundled up snugly and tight

Doesn't the look on her face say it ALL?!

(Poor Jacob. He was so worried about all the wires hooked up to Mommy.)

Didn't want to let go of the baby.

2 days old

Going home.

I'm ready!

Laci's and Jacob's welcome home sign for Mommy and Cole.

3 days old.

Loves his swing.

Cole and my brother, Zac.

We love you, Zac!

We love you, Grandma!

Getting ready to leave for AZ. We're going to miss you!

baby poll results

2010-05-13T14:45:00.000-07:00

When do you think this baby will come?

April 30 = 0

May 1 = 2

May 7 = 3

May 8 = 4

May 9 = 3

choices

2010-05-07T18:23:00.000-07:00

At my appointment today, we were disappointed to find that my body hasn't progressed as far as we would have liked it to by now. Inducing where I am now would mean a long labor, and increases the risk substantially for tearing my incision. Rather than risk my life and the baby's, we decided on another cesarean.

Up until this point, I have felt torn. On one side, I felt like having another c-section meant that I was giving up or taking the easy way out. It would also mean that every baby we have from here on will be delivered c-section. On the flip side, however, of course, I didn't want to put this baby at unnecessary risk. Ultimately, I knew that this appointment would bring with it a final decision. I feel both relieved and at peace. Trying for a VBAC brought with it a lot of open-ended questions that we simply wouldn't know until labor progressed. Now I can push all those aside and simply enjoy the birth of my baby boy!

Plus, I get to choose his birthday, too! We'll be checking into the hospital at 6:30 tomorrow morning, and my surgery is scheduled for 8:00 am. May 8 looks like a good day for a birthday!

considering facebook

2010-05-06T11:43:00.000-07:00

I've been going back and forth for MONTHS about whether or not I want to open a facebook account.

Here's my cons list:
1. privacy - or the lack thereof
2. setting up a new account; it always takes me SO long because I'm really not that great on computers (seriously, just ask Jason how clueless I can be! He's always so nice about it, though.) Which is probably another reason why I'm afraid to jump into it; do I really know what I'm getting myself into?
3. time issue - do we really need MORE reasons to be on the computer? (especially as moms)

And, my pros list:
1. a great way to reconnect with old friends
2. provides an opportunity to keep up with those who might not be big bloggers but love facebooking

I'm interested to hear your opinions about facebook. Do you have a facebook account? Do you like it as much or more than blogging? And any other suggestions you have to offer!

random thoughts

2010-05-05T18:34:00.001-07:00

Jason is off at mutual. It's his third or fourth week as the Young Men's secretary. He really loves it. He blew the boys' minds away when he could guess all their names correctly on the very first Sunday he taught. I think it was just the priests' class, but still, I couldn't have done that!

*****

Wishing I had a craft to do. Waiting to unpack the basement - where, coincidentally, all my crafty things are still packed away. I'll be glad not to have a baby in my belly weighing me down to tackle THAT project.

*****

Apparently, dreams can become really vivid during pregnancy. Didn't experience it during my pregnancy with Laci. With Jacob, however, I always had really bad nightmares. Glad that's over! I've always hated horror movies, and it's even worse when you're starring in one nearly every night!

Lately, I've been dreaming that I'm back in high school, but I'm pregnant. And, throughout the entire dream I know that I'm married to Jason and have two other kids. Weird - especially when I'm flirting with some random high school kid I knew back then!

*****

I'm watching celebrity jeopardy. Doogie Howser is winning. I recognize the other guy, but could not tell you who the lady in the middle is! Oh, now the "other guy" is in the lead by $600....

candidate for growth

2010-05-04T10:46:00.000-07:00

Just when all seems to be going right, challenges often come in multiple doses, applied simultaneously. When those trials are not consequences of your disobedience, they are evidence that the Lord feels you are prepared to grow more. He therefore gives you experiences that stimulate growth, understanding, and compassion. Such testing will polish you for your everlasting benefit. To get you from where you are to where He wants you to be requires of a lot of stretching, and that generally entails discomfort and pain.

Richard G. Scott,

Finding Peace, Happiness, and Joy

what a relief!

2010-05-03T16:11:00.000-07:00

#1 -

We have a camera! Thanks SO much to Baba and Papa Denham. They just happened to have an extra camera lying around, and mailed it up to us. I would post some photos, but we still have to get a sim card. Apparently, the one we bought for it last week is too large, so we have to exchange it for a smaller one. I don't think I can even express how GRATEFUL I am! I was prepared to buy a small box camera, but not having to eliminates the headache of developing film and scanning pictures into the computer - which now that I'm thinking about it, wouldn't even be possible since our scanner is broken.

#2 -

I've finally realized that my exhaustion is allergy related. Since moving to UT, I haven't had any symptoms. Apparently, it takes a couple of seasons to develop allergies, so I guess coming up on year 2 since our move I'm due for symptoms - so it never even crossed my mind. As it is, when I'm not pregnant I hardly even notice my allergies.

So, about 8 weeks ago when the seasons started to change, and I started getting brain-fog and overall fatigue, I kept thinking, something is wrong with me! Especially during the last 3 weeks, as it's progressively gotten worse I started thinking, Okay, I'm going to have this baby and we're going to find something is seriously wrong! This is NOT normal!

But then a light kicked on when I noticed Laci was having all the classic symptoms. That's it! I must be having allergies! I was suddenly bombarded with memories of my pregnancy with Laci: if I didn't take a claritin THAT morning, I literally could not function by 2:00 that afternoon. And, it very well could be what made me so vulnerable to illness during my pregnancy with Jacob. I always attributed it to his size, which I'm not ruling out completely. I suppose it's possible that between the two, my immune system was so compromised that I simply could NOT stay healthy. It also makes sense considering that we had a swamp cooler in our house, and we were living directly across from an open field that was ALWAYS full of weeds. I think I may be onto something here...

I'm just so glad that I'm not going to have to undergo a bunch of tests following this pregnancy. After a week of Claritin I'm already feeling MUCH better.

#3 -
As of today, I am officially scheduled to be induced on Saturday at 8:00 am. YEAH!

(It's been fun tracking all the votes on my baby's birthday poll.)

allergy season is here,

2010-05-01T14:54:00.000-07:00

and I'm exhausted! Congestion, itchy-watery eyes, scratchy throat only occasionally become a bother. Instead, my mind becomes a muddled mess and I feel like my body shuts down about mid-afternoon.

Does anybody else get that way?

my favorite part of the day

2010-04-29T17:56:00.000-07:00

bedtime!

And, not because it means that the kids are down for the night. (Although, I won't lie to you, there are some days when I REALLY anticipate that little perk.)

I love it because I get to breath in their yumminess after a bath. It means special one-on-one time with each child reading stories. Being humbled as I listen to their sweet prayers. Seeing the joy light up their faces as we give hugs and kisses - always 3 kinds: peck on the lips, fish kiss, and eskimo kiss.

ALways a wonderful end to ANY day!

AZ girl out of her element

2010-04-29T12:40:00.000-07:00

Did I mention the crazy spring weather? May starts on Saturday and it's been snowing ALL day! Really?!

Truthfully, AZ doesn't really have a spring, either. If you blink, you miss it! But UT teases you, going back and forth between winter and spring. Last week was beautiful, low- to mid-70s.

Today? It's snowing! I guess this is what I have to look forward to every year, huh? (This is our second spring here, so I'm still trying to figure out what to expect.) I suppose this means having a coat closet is an absolute necessity. One more thing this AZ girl is not used to!

vote

2010-04-28T08:20:00.000-07:00

So, with 15 days left till my due date, I'm of course anticipating a new baby any day! Laci was 10 days early, and Jacob was 6 days late. I really don't know WHEN to expect this little guy's arrival. (At least I have the comfort in knowing that regardless, I will be going in to be induced on the 8th.)

I had a few days last week where I was getting frustrated that my body just wasn't going into labor. I could literally feel the weight of him drop within a couple of days, and feeling like I'm right on the verge - then nothing! Even my braxton hicks contractions - that I never felt with my first two - stopped completely. Any mom close to her due date would tell you THAT is very frustrating! (right, ladies?)

On the other hand, we have had an EXTREMELY busy week, and as I've looked at our calendar would think, please don't come this week! Monday night, our home teacher invited us over for FHE, last night Jason had a welcome reception at the U, Thursday Laci has a friend coming over while the girl's parents move into their new house (I know I'm crazy to make a commitment like that right now, but I'm feeling like our meeting at church on Sunday was more than coincidental and I'm really excited for Laci to make a new friend. That has gone slower for her than we anticipated, since she is our social butterfly.) Friday afternoon is Laci's kindergarten orientation. Then, Friday evening is our ward luau, which Jason signed me up to bring a dessert. While it would be okay to miss any of these things in the event that I have the baby, I would really be sad to miss Laci's kindergarten orientation. This is a first for her. I am really looking forward to going with her, just mommy and daughter, as she learns about this new milestone in her life.

I have my own predictions for when this baby will come:

1) May 1st, the day after all my familial and church obligations are no longer filling up my calendar. This happened with Laci; I took my last final for the summer and went into labor the very next day. It was also two weeks before fall semester started, and gave me just enough time before heading off to class again. I only took Spanish that semester because they had to be consecutive in order to count toward my degree, but still, if she had come 6 days late like Jacob? It would have really messed things up. So, I wouldn't be surprised if that's all my little guy is waiting for.

2) May 7th, one day before I get induced. Sometimes our patience gets tested to the 11th hour. In that case, I wouldn't be surprised if I literally go into labor on the eve of my iducement date.

But I want to hear from you. To the right is a poll. Go ahead and vote!

reason to celebrate

2010-04-23T13:30:00.000-07:00

Jason received his acceptance letter today in the mail from the U for a masters degree in Real Estate Development. We have been waiting for this news since November! It is a 9-month accelerated program, and classes start May 17th. I am SO excited for him. He has worked extremely hard toward building his credentials in real estate by getting his real estate license, and he's currently working on certification for ARGUS software (specifically designed for real estate agents). If hard work were the only requirement for acceptance, he would have acheived that, hands down! I'm really proud of him.

UT trivia

2010-04-22T08:18:00.000-07:00

It has snowed more during the month of April than the whole month of January!

And that, Ladies & Gents, is why I have officially decided that I hate UT springs!

change

2010-04-21T13:30:00.000-07:00

Whoever came up with the saying, the only constant thing in life is change, was right on the money! I've noticed when I get stuck in one pattern, routine, calling, or trial for so long, I get bored (or tired of enduring when it's a trial) and yearn for some kind of change. Sometimes, ANYTHING will do; I just want a break from the monotony! Or I finally get comfortable with where I am, and what I'm requiring of myself. Boom - something comes along to throw off the balance. I've come to value and look forward to change. For example, seasons. Why did the Lord create seasons? Besides what it does for the earth, plants, animals, etc, I look forward to the changes that a new season will bring. It seems when I am at my wits end with jackets and sweaters and layers and boots, and the storage crisis that always accompanies keeping the big, bulky items handy, spring comes along - bright & sunny with cheerful flowers to gaze at, relaxing walks and playing at the park with my kiddos. Summer brings a whole slew of fresh fruits and veggies to snack on! And, who doesn't LOVE summer BBQ's, potato salad, and homemade ice cream? YUM! But, by the time fall approaches, I'm looking forward to pulling out all the winter gear, of cozy days inside doing quiet activities at the kitchen table, roasting marshmallows for smores, hot chocolate, & snuggling by the fire with a good book. What is it about change that renews us?

On the other hand, I value structure and strict routine. I have recognized how much my kids value it as well. Even if they don't really know what it is that makes it different from a day when our routine gets thrown out the window, they are less stressed and prone to misbehave. On a daily basis, I demand a lot of myself and from them. It takes a lot of discipline to stick to it, but I always feel good at the end of my day when I can say, look at everything I (and we) did today! Sure, I get worn out - every night, especially being pregnant, I'm lucky if I make to 8:30! I do a couple of loads of laundry and an hour or two of cleaning bathrooms, floors, or whatever I have designated for that day. It's rare that dishes go undone, that toys aren't picked up, and clothes aren't folded or ironed when I head off to bed. And, yet, I get bored with the monotony of the same routine day after day...

which is probably why Jason's work schedule has changed as of this week. Over the last several months, he's been doing some software research for the company. Not sure how he got roped into it, but in October he volunteered to accompany the CEO on a business trip to Louisiana for a software seminar, and next thing we know, he's been asked to research 40+ softwares and narrow it down to 1, based on the company's needs. By next year, they hope to have the new software installed and running. Apparently, it's a really long process, and is going to take 18-24 months to complete. So, Jason is now at the point where he's having to work on everyone's computers before installing the software and doing data entry. In order to avoid disturbing all the other employees during the most demanding hours of the day, he was asked to change his hours from 8am-5pm to 2-11pm.

I'm not really sure how I feel about having evenings to myself. I feel like 3-bedtime is the hardest part of every day. Kids get restless and antsy around late afternoon, not to mention tired from a long day of playing or running errands with mommy (often both), dinner never seems to be ready soon enough for small tummies. I think most moms feel that way. However, this new schedule will allow a longer stretch of the day with Daddy. Normally, we only see him for an hour or so before he heads off to work and another couple of hours before bedtime. Now, we get him to ourselves for 5-6 hours before he has to leave.

This should definitely be an interesting new adventure - on what I feel like is the eve of my delivery! My ticker says 3 weeks, but even if I have to be induced on the 8th, that brings me down to 2. I feel like I do less of my "to do's" when Jason is home, so I'm going to have to be even more disciplined to keep it up. Yet, I also want to ENJOY this time with him home, and our new baby. We don't know how long he will be required to maintain this new schedule. It could be 3 weeks, 2 months, or until the software is installed, data entry is complete, and the program is up and running.

However long this new change is going to last, it's certainly going to bring with it challenges and an opportunity for stretching and growth. Maybe that's why the Lord gave us seasons - because no matter how disciplined or comfortable we are with our current situation, how we handle change is what defines our character, refines our capacity, and ultimately determines who we are.

I hope they call me on a mission

2010-04-20T18:10:00.000-07:00

I feel bad posting about Laci all the time. It's just that she is so outgoing and vocal. I'm going to have to make an effort to post more about Jacob - which I'm sure plenty of opportunities will come once Laci starts school. So, maybe I shouldn't be feeling so guilty...

For several weeks, Laci has been telling me that she wants to go on a mission. Today, she expounded on that by saying,

I want to go on a mission, and I know I'm going to make a good missionary. Want to know why?

Why?

Because I listen to my primary lessons, and I know all the answers!

mission completion!

2010-04-17T18:40:00.000-07:00

Vacuumed the car out today. Well, more like detailed it...my OCD tendencies get kicked into overdrive when I'm nesting. (Okay, I'm not really OCD, but my sisters always tease me that I am, mainly because of my closet. Yes, it is still organized by clothing type, color, and length - sleeves included, thank you very much! Don't worry, while I do expect cleanliness and order from my hubby and kids, I don't require it to that extent. It's just a nice breath of fresh air when I see my stuff so neat and tidy.) So, now that you officially think that I'm crazy...

The baby seat cover is in the washing machine as we speak. Tomorrow, the car will be bearing 3 carseats instead of two.

27 days to go -

2010-04-16T12:29:00.000-07:00

or 20, according to my inducement date on May 8th. I'm hoping this little guy chooses to come sooner! Of course, what mother doesn't feel that way by this point? In reality, 27 or 20, there really isn't much time left! YEAH!

The crib is set up, diapers are bought, Jacob's hand-me-downs are pulled out, baby toys set aside. The final task on my list is to vacuum out the car and wash his car seat, which I will be doing tomorrow, thanks to the promising weather report.

We're ready!

wishing i had a camera...

2010-04-14T18:16:00.000-07:00

Laci's "birthday cake" she builds with random-sized boxes for tiers, building blocks, and posing as flowers: tree tops from their farm animal toys.

Jacob's happy face... he's losing his baby fat and looks more like a little boy. I want to capture him now!

And, so many MORE daily moments I want to remember, but have since forgotten...

Jacob sporting his new suit for Easter (since his Christmas one was WAY too big!) Sigh. Mommy really miscalculated on the size, and it's $ I didn't really want to spend, but at least he has something to grow into and our next boy will have a couple of great hand-me-downs. And, if I can say so myself, our little man looks sharp!

My DIY fix of Jacob's clip-on ties. That was not easy, and I did need to employ Jason's help, since I've never actually tied a tie in my life.

My little princess in her Easter dress. I am extremely happy with this find. I originally saw the dress at Burlington Coat Factory in the infant section and SO wished that there was one in Laci's size. Couldn't find one at Christmas. SAD! But, then I saw the dress when I stopped in to get Jacob's suit - only two left, and one in her size! That is a great feeling!

Jason's birthday dinner - chicken cordon bleu, mashed potatoes, and asparagus. And, you can't forget the cheesecake with sliced strawberries and hot fudge drizzled over the top. YUM! (I was nervous for this meal b/c I've only made chicken cordon bleu one other time, and cheesecake can be tricky. But, someone was watching over me making sure Jason had a good meal on his special day b/c everything turned out PERFECTO!)

Before and after pics of my watch makeover. It started out with a red face and red leather straps. I've always loved it, because if you haven't guessed, my favorite color is red. But, when the battery died, I thought, This watch needs a makeover. I've been loving the beaded watches, and I thought, I can make that! So, I did. And, I love it!

Spring flowers popping up everywhere.

Budding trees.

Our new baby coming soon.

Laci starting school.

We desperately need a camera!

I'm not sure when we'll get one, but I do know one thing for sure, I will be buying Laci a little box camera so she won't take mine! (I'd love to encourage her to develop her potential talent, just not with an expensive camera that I plan on using for years to come, ya know?)

time

2010-04-12T13:45:00.001-07:00

On Saturday, Jason and I visited the new Deseret Book store in SLC during it's grand opening. We were surprised when an older gentleman approached us. He looked directly at Jason and said, "I hope you take good care of your wife." Obviously, we were both quite taken aback, and weren't really sure what to say to that. But then looking at the old man we could see the dazed expression in his eyes as he looked down at the floor (I think somewhat oblivious to us) and continued, "I buried my wife of 69 years today." As tears filled his eyes I reached over and gave him a hug while he mechanically added, "I like to think I took good care of her, but I'm sure there are things I could have done to treat her better. I buried her today after 69 years." By this time, I was crying with him. He then refocused on Jason, and said, "So that's why I say 'take care of your wife.'" I assured the man that Jason takes very good care of me. His eyes cast to the floor once again as he said, "69 years" then he trudged away with a younger man - whom I assume was his son.

Obviously, grief-stricken, I imagine that this man might have been watching us. Jason, gathering up books for his birthday while I sit on a bench right behind him. What must have gone through this man's mind? I'm obviously very pregnant at this point. He had no way of knowing if this was my first pregnancy or my fifth. I'm sure the sight of Jason and me brought back a flood of youthful memories when he and his wife were just starting their life together.

In today's society, 5 years of marriage is a milestone. Fifty years will always be celebrated as a huge accomplishment, assuming both live long enough to celebrate it. He and his wife reached nearly 20 years beyond that! I ponder on how quickly our own 6 years together has flashed by, and wonder if it feels the same for him even after all those years. And, now he's left to bury his eternal companion, waiting for who knows how long, until they can be reunited. I don't think we were much comfort to him, but he wanted to make the message very clear: don't take each other foregranted, cherish your time together, enjoy the small and simple things.

Even then, I'm sure the time passes far too quickly.

this birthday

2010-04-09T12:35:00.000-07:00

is such a special one, it's birthday time for you... Happy birthday, Jason!

Laci has been SO excited to celebrate Jason's birthday. Last night she wanted to sing him happy birthday before going to bed, and the first thing she did this morning was make him a card. (I really wish that I could share it with you! But, our scanner is being uncooperative at the moment.) She drew our entire family on a white sheet of paper, folded into 4ths to look like a card. Jacob and Jason are blue and both sporting flat-tops, Laci and I are pink with curly hair, and even the new baby is portrayed accurately (well, if he's going to take after his older brother and sister) as a baldy. On the top right-hand corner, she wrote Mom Laci Dad (she takes such pride in being able to write everyone's names from memory - she can write Jacob from memory, too, but she was in a hurry to finish drawing everyone before Jason came down for breakfast). And, then she made sure that we all sang to Jason before he headed off for work.

She's NOT so excited about the impending cheesecake that is Jason's favorite. (She has already made a request for a chocolate cake on her birthday.) However, she is excited for the strawberries and chocolate syrup that will be topping the cheesecake.

And, Jacob? He's just along for the ride! He scarfs down anything we put in front of him, and he definitely figured out the whole present-thing in December when he celebrated his 2nd birthday. I'm sure he will enjoy "helping" Jason with his gifts.

We're so grateful for a wonderful Dad! We love you, Jason!

more from laci

2010-04-08T13:07:00.000-07:00

While I'm very glad that Laci is in speech therapy, I am REALLY going to miss the words and phrases that are uniquely hers. For example,

salsa = salsa & massage
(Okay, she outgrew that one a while ago, but it still makes me smile. She always loved getting a salsa at bedtime, and I was happy to give it because I found the key ingredient to helping her calm down for sleep. Jason and I always gave a knowing grin to each other when she would ask for chips and salsa.)

maggot = magnet

Baba = Grandma Denham (sounds really cute with Papa, too!)

a little minute = one minute
(Mommy, can you come here a little minute?)

all the day long = all day

all the day long and all the days after = forever
(Mommy, I love you all the day long and all the days after.)

There just isn't anything sweeter to a mother's ears!

p.s. Tomorrow is Jason's birthday, the big 3-0! If you feel like "rubbing it in" ;) send him an email wishing him a "happy birthday" at jasondenham@yahoo.com.

I'd rather be naked...

2010-04-01T14:44:00.000-07:00

read on a little boy's shirt. For those of you who have toddlers, you might be experiencing what I call the "strip-tease phase"? Jacob has started stripping down to his diaper, whether it's freezing cold or warm, and gets really angry when I force him to put his clothes back on. (After all, I am teaching Laci about modesty, which, of course, is not exclusive to boys!) But, I don't think the temperature has anything to do with his desire to take off all his clothes. On the flip side, he's also insisting on dressing "my sef!" Maybe this whole thing is a toddler right of passage? I remember Laci going through the same thing. Or maybe it's just some weird gene that my brothers passed down...

Every single one of those little boys didn't stop at their diaper during their strip-tease phase! Nor was it an unusual occurrence to walk into a bathroom and find 2-3 of my brothers wizzing away into the toilet, as if it was a community toilet. One afternoon, my mom discovered two of my brothers outside - in the nude - spraying at a 6-inch cockroach with the hose, apparently trying to drown it.

The very first date Jason took me on, he was greeted by all 5 of my younger brothers in the nude! Since they were really young still, they all bathed in my parents bath tub. After all, it was the biggest tub in the house, and they could all have their bath at once (very convenient, especially on a Saturday night getting ready for 8 am church!). So, Jason rings the doorbell, someone answers the door, and is offered a seat on the living room couch - which is immediately off from the entry and my parents room. All of a sudden one of my brothers streaks from my parents room (in plain view of where Jason was sitting), and disappears up the stairs (to the boys' room to get dressed). Followed, of course, by four more little boys.

I imagine this was quite a shock. I'm surprised Jason even called me back, but I'm sure glad he did!

a pat on the back

2010-03-29T17:49:00.000-07:00

Jacob has had a runny nose and cough, and Laci woke up Sat morning with the sniffles. Since we were asked to give the opening and closing prayers, we decided that we would all go to sacrament meeting and then come home afterward. (No need to get our happy and welcoming ward members angry at us for getting their kids sick!)

Our kids' primary teachers are amazing! Before yesterday we were already impressed, but even more so when Jacob literally cried for 20 minutes because he wanted to go nursery. (Remember, this is my child who would not leave my side for 14 months!) Then, Laci's primary teacher stopped by after church to drop off a handout from their lesson AND a General Conference packet.

All I can say is, WOW! It doesn't take much to magnify your calling, and I'm so glad that our kids are in great hands!

whew!

2010-03-25T08:49:00.001-07:00

Yesterday I woke up at 3am wide awake. I laid in bed FOREVER and still wasn't asleep. I figured, by 5am I might as well go to the gym like I always do. Jason volunteered to help clean the Conference Center in SLC, and his shift was from 9 to midnight. I never sleep well when he's gone. Again, I was awake early this morning, 4am. Went to the gym again at 5. No sense in laying in bed wide awake when there are things to get done, right?

I have two little girls coming over today while their mom gets ready for family to come into town tonight and tomorrow. Her son is getting baptized this weekend. He's also had strep earlier this week, so she hasn't had much time to get things ready. I thought I would make them dinner tonight, too. One less thing for her to worry about.

I'm crossing my fingers that:

we don't get sick

these girls can get along well with Laci

Laci doesn't get them too high-strung

or try to get away with too much while they are here

Laci will happily include Jacob in their playing, because

I'm tired!

recipes

2010-03-23T12:24:00.000-07:00

*** Looking for easy freezer meals! ***

As, my due date approaches, I would like to prepare a few meals and get them in my freezer before I have this baby. Feel free to leave some ideas in the comment box, or email me at tiffinidenham@gmail.com.

Thanks!

Just a couple of family fav's:

(these are not freezer meals, although you probably could freeze them if you wanted)

Oriental Chicken
6-8 chicken breasts
1 c. pineapple chunks
1/2 stick butter
1/4 c. green pepper, chopped
1/4 c. onion, chopped
1/4 c. packed brown sugar
2 1/2 T. cornstarch
1/2 tsp. salt
2 T. soy sauce
1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce
2 c. liquid

Preheat oven 375 degrees. Drain pineapple, reserving syrup. Add water/chicken stock to make 2 cups. Saute onions and peppers. Add remaining ingredients; stir until translucent and thick. Pour over chicken in 9x13 pan. Bake 1 hour. Serve with rice.

* Even though I love the flavors of this meal, I was having trouble with the chicken coming out dry. So, in an effort to lock in the moisture, I marinate the chicken overnight or prepare it early in the morning and let it sit in the fridge all day. I also cover the pan with foil before baking, and leave the foil on the entire time.
* If we eat all the chicken, but there's a lot of sauce left, I reuse it for another meal by cooking rice in it and serve with fish.

Ancho Chicken Tacos
1 lb. chicken breasts, cooked
4 ancho chiles
1 qt. chicken stock
1 red onion
2 tsp. smoked paprika
Pinch of cinnamon
1 stem (1 tsp.) oregano, chopped
1/4-1/2 c. sherry vinegar

Slice open ancho chiles and seed. Soak in chicken stock, boiling for 15 minutes. Pour into blender and puree completely.

Meanwhile, chop the red onion and saute in skillet. Add cumin, smoked paprika, cinnamon, and oregano. (Don't add too much cinnamon or it will overpower EVERYTHING!) Add precooked, shredded chicken to heat through. Add sherry vinegar; work bottom of pan to get spices and onions into mixture. Add puree and simmer for 15-20 minutes to allow for flavors to blend.

* Ancho chiles can be found in the Hispanic Foods aisle where all their spices are. It comes in a little bag with 8-9 chiles, and can be stored for several months at a time in your pantry. It's a yummy and different flavor to add to your Mexican-style dishes!

looking for a new read?

2010-03-19T12:55:00.000-07:00

May I suggest A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini. A historical fiction, Hosseini immerses the reader into an intimate 30-year journey through the lives of two women living in Afghanistan. The depth of hardship, despair, brutality, and sorrow that these women face are unfathomable. I have to warn you, this book is not for the faint of heart! Three-quarters into it - sobbing to the point that I could no longer make out words on the page - I nearly decided to put the book down and never open it again. Maybe my eye-opening experience into the realities women of Afghanistan face, in our modern day, was too shocking. Perhaps the heartbreak of a mother with children my age hit too close to home. Possibly a combination of the two. My mind raced back to the scriptural account when Enoch is conversing with God face-to-face, and he witnesses our Father weeping for His children (Moses 7:28-33). And, yet, for my own emotional closure, I found myself engrossed once again in its final pages.

However, Hosseini closes the novel, filling the reader with hope and inspiration. I am filled with gratitude for the freedoms I enjoy - and often take foregranted - because of the country in which I was born. My desperate yearning for my children to know how much I love them leaves me clinging on just a little longer with each hug and caress. Strength and security in knowing that my husband not only loves, but honors and cherishes me, has deepened. One cannot read this book without gaining truer perspective of blessings and the richness of life.

memories

2010-03-17T14:00:00.000-07:00

I'm really missing my camera (that broke after my little photographer - aka: Laci - "borrowed" it). So, I'm having to make due with old pictures...

playing at the park

yes, that's Jacob dressed in pink and wearing a headband!
(Laci thought it would be funny to dress him in her clothes.)

A visit to temple square...

zzzzzz

discovering the computer
(I love the look on his face! It's like he can hardly believe his luck...)

my little crafter

playing house

posing for the camera

recent cuteness

2010-03-15T20:07:00.001-07:00

Every Sunday Jason drops Laci off to primary, and I take Jason to nursery. (What will we do when we're outnumbered? ...I guess, by then, Jacob will be in primary, too! ...not sure I want to be thinking that far ahead!)And, every Sunday when I go to pick Jacob up from nursery he asks where Laci and Daddy are. I have to tell him, Daddy is with Laci and we need to go find them. They're always in the same foyer next to the same set of doors. This Sunday was no exception to this little ritual.

However, when Jacob saw Laci, he ran - and I mean, he booked it - into her arms, calling out, Laci! Of course, Laci was so excited to see Jacob, and she scooped him up in her arms with a huge grin. They stood that way, holding each other in a tight hug for almost 30 seconds.

I love it!

*****

Spencer and Hilary brought their 6-week-old baby girl over this afternoon. Laci and Jacob were sooo excited to see their new baby cousin! (Actually, I think that is an understatement.) They literally fought over who got to hold her first. And, for the entirety of the visit, took turns holding her.

Jacob kept stroking little Blayke's cheeks and head. Laci made sure that Blayke had her spit-up rag and pacifier. Quite the great helpers, and just in time!

tender mercies

2010-03-10T12:03:00.000-08:00

My cousin, Holly, sent me this link from You Tube. Elder Bednar says exactly what I was trying to convey in my last post - - only far more eloquently and beautifully than I ever could...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3B4El4B9LVw

Thanks, Holly!

(For future reference: I'd rather get the video on my blog, instead of just providing the link... anyone know how to do that?)

is 3 the magic number?

2010-03-09T13:13:00.000-08:00

So, we've moved. Yes, again! I thought that moving 4x in our 5 years of marriage was a lot. But, in the last 18 months we have moved 3x, are living in our 3rd house, are in our 4th ward (ward split in our second house), and are quite frankly SICK of moving! Not the best situation to settle down and get to know your neighbors and ward members...

It's been about a month now since our move. I've been slow to post about it. I'm not sure why, and think it's partly because I posted a rather whiny blog about how miserable I was, and how I was longing to move again, to the area we've been eyeing for over a year now - then literally a week and 1/2 later, we moved. Obviously, when I wrote that post I wasn't expecting another move so soon. And, what good was all my whining and self-pity for when the resolution was right around the corner? (Don't we all want to feel justified in our negative emotions sometimes?) Another HUGE reason is that I'm sick of telling people we've moved. It's just so pathetic!

I don't blame anyone for not wanting to read my blog. I have been pretty negative and whiny.

And, terribly lonely. I can only remember one other time in my life when I have felt so alone!

I knew that life wasn't suddenly going to be easy and wonderful once we moved to UT. Sure, we have a job now after 6 months of unemployment in AZ - a chapter of my life I NEVER want to relive! Ironically, I feel like some of our greatest trials have come to us after our move to UT.

So, I've kept all my emotions bottled up - trying to be strong - until I felt like I was going to explode or crumble into a ball on the floor - not the best things for my kids to see. So, my release was to blog about what I was feeling. I'm sorry that I've been a downer, but I honestly had no one else I could turn to!

(Does any of this make sense? I feel like my thoughts are very incoherent...)

However, I have to say, that all my whininess and suffering have not been in vain. These past several months, I have been reminded of past lessons, and have learned new ones:

- (Neal A. Maxwell) There are 3 types of suffering - 1) comes through sin, whether brought on by our own sins or that of a loved one; 2) the Lord allows the rain to fall upon the just and the unjust; 3) another type of suffering is our own Abrahamic test. If we do not understand it, and exercise sufficient faith in the Lord, we will not learn what he is trying to teach us. Ultimately leads to/determines our candidacy for exaltation.

- Some trials are taken away - literally overnight. Only in and through the tender mercies of a loving Heavenly Father, a way is provided for that trial to be over. But, it doesn't mean life is suddenly bliss and wonderful and easy. The Lord requires that we endure to the end - and it may be in the form of another trial after he's released us from the previous one. It may be that He has more for us to learn.

- We're often required to suffer to the "11th hour." Our darkest moments are usually right before the trial is lifted.

- Trust in the Lord's time table.

- Reaching out to others relieves our suffering. Doesn't have to be big or elaborate. Smile, hug, encourage, love - even if it's not reciprocated.

- Sometimes, we're asked to "wander in the wilderness" before the Lord reveals His will for us.

I'm sure if I sat and pondered some more, I could think of additional lessons.

Mostly, I just want to say thank you! Thank you for your love. Thank you for your support. I realize I've sounded really whiny and negative most of the time, but I needed you. Thank you for loving me in my whiny and sad state. Thank you for releaving me from my loneliness. Thank you for your encouragement.

So, we're in our 3rd house, and things are looking up. We live literally 5 minutes from a temple! Our ward members have been very welcoming. For the first time in 2 years, we feel like our wandering has come to an end. This is where the Lord wants us at this time. (Obviously, this doesn't mean an end to trials, but I don't think we're ready for the alternative.) We're suddenly feeling refreshed, refilled, and rejuvinated.

Maybe 3 really is a magic number...

BFF's

2010-03-05T08:24:00.001-08:00

So, Jason awoke one morning, to hear the kids chattering away in the playroom - (not sure where I was, still sleeping? That is a rare occasion!) Anyway, he snuck out to the playroom to get a peak, and found Laci and Jacob masterfully piled into Jacob's big Tonka dumptruck. And, here is how their conversation went:

L: Jacob, am I your best friend?

J: (rubs her back) Yes.

L: Even when I go to school, and you don't get to see me all day?

J: (rubs her back) Yes.

L: Forever and ever?

J: (rubs her back) Yes.

L: I love you, Jacob. You're my best friend!

J: (wraps his arms around her neck) I love you, Laci.

Wish I had a picture of that precious moment. But, I just love this one! I think the expression on Laci's face says it all...

I just LOVE these two!

overjoyed

2010-03-03T13:30:00.001-08:00

So, I realize with all my stressing over insurance and delivery woes, that the real reason for my countdown was overshadowed. I have to say, I am SO excited! The end can't come soon enough! Not because I'm in a hurry to start a new semester - which was the cause of my urgency to have Laci. Or because I'm miserably pregnant - as was the case with Jacob. I'm just excited. Excited to get to know the newest member of our family. Excited to have a baby in our house again! Just excited! Sometimes the excitement hits me so hard, I wonder if my little guy is communicating to me spirit-to-spirit that he can't wait to physically be a part of our family and to start his mission.

Some of you might remember my trepidation at getting pregnant again. After my pregnancy with Jacob, I certainly have a new-found respect and admiration for women who literally cling to life by a thread during each pregnancy. And, mine wasn't even THAT bad. It was horrible in that I literally did not start a week of being well before catching something new by the end of the week. I'm not exaggerating! If it was contagious, I caught it! I was miserable. But even in the midst of my misery, I was extremely grateful that I wasn't living on an IV or in a hospital bed. I wasn't consigned to bedrest for an extended period of time. It was hard; I hated it; I wanted it to end. And of course, my endurance was tested when Jacob decided to come 6 days late. But, it doesn't even compare to what those women face! I've learned just how precious my health is to me!

Still, I was worried about this pregnancy. Would I get really sick again? How would I handle two children being that sick? Jacob was JUST starting to express his independence from me, and Laci has always been demanding because of her hyperactivity and need for constant stimulation. Would it be fair for me to add a third one to the mix? The list went on and on!

As for insurance, maybe that is purely a test of Jason's and my faith as we have children. The possibility that we won't have any children covered through insurance has crossed my mind. It's not a thought I want to entertain, but maybe it's one that shouldn't be ignored. Am I going to let that temporal factor limit the eternal nature of my family?

Delivery is another big worry. Having multiple cesarians can ultimately determine how many children I will be able to have, which is why I would like to try for a VBAC this time around. I don't have a "magic number" on how many kids I want to have, but the thought of being limited or being unable to is really hard to wrap my mind around. That control can be taken away from me, and it's very unsettling. On the other hand, I know Father will provide a way for all our children to come to our family, whatever the number...whether it's through strengthening my body to withstand numerous cesareans, magnifying my ability to deliver VBAC, or adoption. We'll all get here somehow, some way.

And yet, it took a great deal of faith for me to heed the prompting to have another child. I knew that more children were waiting to come to our home. I just didn't want to get pregnant again so soon. I thought I would wait until Laci had been in school a while; allow her to adjust to that big change in her life; address ADD issues; let Jacob grow in his independence; maybe wait till he turned 3 to start trying again. Then I got pregnant last March. Boy, was that a surprise - it had to have been immaculate conception! Despite all my prior fears and worries, I felt at peace; getting pregnant was right; the timing was right. And then, I miscarried a few weeks later at 10 weeks. Surprisingly, I wasn't devastated; through it all, I felt at peace. I've often wondered since then if something as drastic as a suprise pregnancy and miscarraige were the only way I would entertain the thought of having another child so soon. (Kind of sad when you think about the principles of being compelled to be humble versus humbling oneself to receive the word of God.)

Amazingly, after that experience all the emotional weight I was feeling over another pregnancy was lifted off my mind and heart. All of a sudden, I was excited to get pregnant again! The excitement keeps getting stronger with each passing week! I really can't wait. Sure, I'm nervous for this delivery because I don't know the outcome, and there are so many factors that can trigger a bad outcome. But, fear and faith cannot coexist. Maybe I just need to hold onto all my excitement.

The Lord will take care of the rest.

countdown

2010-03-02T16:33:00.000-08:00

Is it bad that I'm counting down for this baby's birth already? I mean, it's still 10 weeks away - assuming I go to term. I keep telling myself not to start the countdown now because it's going to make this trimester go by far too slowly. I really wish I had a better idea of when he will be deciding to come - as I'm sure every mother feels while their due date approaches. Laci was 10 days early, and Jacob was 6 days late - leaving me with very little idea of what to expect. Needless to say, I would much rather he decide to come early than late! I suppose I should take comfort in that my doctor has agreed to induce me on May 8 because he will be out of town the week of the 13th. But, that brings a whole new onslaught of challenges and concerns!

For example, the hormone petosin (spelling anyone?) is what they use to induce labor; however, it can cause the incision from a previous cesarean to burst because it creates stronger contractions. If the incision bursts, this can be fatal or cause brain damage to baby and is extremely dangerous to mom. That little piece of information is not particularly comforting when you're a mom-to-be planning on delivering VBAC (vaginal delivery after cesarean)! Granted, this only occurs in 1-2% of VBAC, induced labor, patients. However, my track record is not too good: I was induced during labor with Laci because my contractions came to a complete halt; and ended up delivering Jacob via emergency cesarean after 24 hours of labor. (Thank heaven for epidurals!) Oh, and did I mention that both children were not covered by our insurance plans? - another story for another time.

So, imagine our excitement when we get pregnant with this baby knowing that maternity and delivery will be covered. Talk about a sigh of relief! And, here we are 10 weeks from my due date, and the company's insurance policy that Jason works for has expired as of 2 days ago. They don't want to pay the higher premiums, so they change our insurance. To make a long story short about the new policy - which would bring everyone to a roaring snore and my blood to a rolling boil - we have no coverage for this baby! (Yet, again.) The real kicker is that 5 employees' wives all had babies last year, and all their deliveries were covered by insurance. And to think that had I not had my miscarriage last June, our baby would have been covered, too.

Sigh.

Regardless, I am still so excited to meet this little guy! In the eternal scheme of things, he will always be mine - whatever happens. And that is worth any temporal price that I have to pay, financially and physically.

So, my countdown has begun...

the small things

2010-03-01T07:15:00.000-08:00

curling up by the fire on a cold winter's day

holding my baby for the first time

serenity after a fresh snowfall

hearing "I love you" from my children

hot chocolate (well, any kind of chocolate for that matter!)

child's laughter - especially when that child is mine

the smell of freshly cut grass

knowing what Jason is thinking with one glance

tree blossoms in the spring

when my child smiles at me for the first time

the sound of ocean waves

seeing the look of discovery on a child's face

vibrant colors of fall leaves

hearing my baby's first cry

the taste of freshly baked bread

snuggling with my kids

tulips

knowing that we'll be a family forever

blogger questions

2010-02-26T07:57:00.000-08:00

For those who know me well, it's no secret that technology and I don't get along! It's amazing that I'm able to keep up with this blog. But, I envy all the scrapbook fonts and custom family headers of my friends' cutsie blogs. I want my blog to look cute, too! And, to think that I grew up in the technology boom! I remember in 6th grade we started taking a weekly computer lab to learn how to use computers, and that was a ground-breaking event. We were the first class ever to start something like that at my school. Maybe that's my problem; maybe I should have started a computer lab in 1st grade to feel comfortaable with the technology. It's pretty sad, really. I'm part of the generation that gets it! And, yet, I don't get it most of the time.

Anyway, enough of my rambling and self-pity! Here are my questions - for anyone who can explain it to me:

1. How do I get the cutsie fonts?

2. I would love a beautiful custom-like header, but how to install it? (FYI: I have followed the directions from various websites - go into Layout, Edit Header, Paste the url into the Website box, and click on Behind Title and Description; however, it never comes up after I save and view blog!) So, that's where I am with that one.

3. How do I change my layout to a 3-column from a 2-column? (I've tried following directions for that one, too. But, haven't been successful with it.)

Question 4 is REALLY important:

4. If you have a private blog, can you please email me with a new invite? There are many of you whose blogs I can't view because I've had a few different email accounts over the years, and I cannot remember which ones I used for which blog. Please email me at tiffinidenham@gmail.com. I would LOVE to keep up with your lives - especially since we no longer live in AZ!

See what I mean? Am I just a lost cause?

why didn't I think of this before?

2010-02-22T19:18:00.000-08:00

So, a recent post of Lara's, "The best $14.99 we've ever spent," started the wheels spinning in my head. She spoke about buying her daughter an alarm clock, and how it made their mornings run so much smoother. I thought, I wish I could buy Laci one. But she's up at 5 am every morning! (and has always woken that early since the day she was born) She definitely doesn't need help waking up. And, a few days later, the answer came to me: Why not use the alarm clock for the opposite purpose? Instead of waking up to the alarm clock, treat it more as a timer. She has to stay in her bed until the alarm goes off. I felt like it was a long shot, but it was definitely worth a try...

Off we went to pick out her new alarm clock. Of course, she picked out her favorite color, pink. Jason and I explained to her the purpose behind the clock. Amazingly, it has worked! I'm able to get up and exercise, even shower!, and start making breakfast before 7am when her alarm goes off. Starting out week 2 of our new experiment, she's even been straightening her room, picking out her clothes for the day, and making her bed! This has also allowed Jacob to sleep longer in the mornings, which he desperately needs. (When your 2-year-old cries at everything before falling asleep at 9am, it means he isn't getting enough sleep!)

With a newborn on the way, I'm afraid to jinx myself... but I think come fall, we will be well on our way to getting her ready and off to school by 8:15! Thanks, Lara, for a blog post heaven-sent!

called to serve

2010-02-20T14:57:00.000-08:00

Two nights ago, I joined my family in a conference call while my brother, Chase, opened up his mission call! Obviously, if we didn't live 12 hours away, we would have joined him in person for the occasion. But, it is what it is, and thankfully, we have the technology to be a part of it as it happens.

Chase will be missionary #3 from the Farnsworth family. Heather served her mission in Omaha, Nebraska, and Blake is currently serving his mission in the Mesa Arizona Temple baptistry. I can't believe that I'm old enough to have 3 younger siblings who have/will be serving missions! Seriously, I'm not that old! Regardless, the Lord's work moves forward and onward, and it was so wonderful to witness in this milestone event for Chase. And, he will be serving...

...drum roll, please...

in the London South, England mission! (Woohoo, Chase!)

Thanks for being such a stalwart example to my little ones. We love you and are so very proud of you!

new email address

2010-02-16T12:49:00.000-08:00

I'm no longer using my yahoo email address. I've opened a new email account:

tiffinidenham@gmail.com

If you did not get an email from me letting you know that I've changed email addresses, it is because I don't have your email address. Can you send me an email to my new account - or leave a comment with your email address - so that I have it?

Thanks!

my budding photographer

2010-02-11T18:27:00.000-08:00

Laci loves horses, so it was only natural to buy her an 18-inch tall horse for Christmas. She'd been asking for a real one, but that would overextend our Christmas budget just a tad. Fortunately, she loves this one! (Whew!) These are pictures she took of her favorite present:

I honestly had no idea she had taken these until I was flipping through my screen. I asked Jason if he took them because I knew I hadn't, and he told me that it was Laci. He had watched her while she took them.

But I have to say, considering her age, I was really surprised at how well these turned out! She seems to have a natural eye. (Of course, I'm not much of a photographer, myself.) So, I'm interested to hear what you photographers out there think...

TV Junkie + Foodie = Jacob

2010-01-25T18:09:00.000-08:00

A few days ago, I caught Jacob on my bed with a bag of potato chips watching Mulan. (His current favorite.) I had turned on the movie for him earlier, but I guess he brought the chips up with him after eating his sandwich downstairs because I don't generally let my kids eat any food outside of the kitchen. A great picture opportunity, only to find that my camera is broken (hmm, Laci - my budding photographer - must have stolen my camera again)!

Then, the other day, I was flipping through channels and stopped on Rachael Ray's 30 Minute Meals for, oh, 5 seconds. Jacob's comment was, "Yummy!" I didn't realize how into watching chicken cook in a skillet he was till I turned it, and he said, "No, yummy!" over and over until I turned it back. He proceeded to happily watch the remainder of the program.

I'm hoping that this foretells a gourmet chef in the making instead of a couch potato.

books i read in 2009

2010-01-21T14:03:00.000-08:00

First of all, I want to thank everyone who left comments on my last post. It helps to know that I'm not alone. I am so thankful for such wonderful friends!

So, this is a bit of a cop-out post. But, I really want to be more consistent with blogging. So, here is a list of books I read in 2009:

The Christmas Box, Richard Paul Evans
Lady Susan, Jane Austen
Pride and Prejudice, Jane Austen
A Mother's Influence, Margaret D. Nadauld
Daughters of God, Russell M. Ballard
Way To Be!, Gordon B. Hinckley
The Street Sparrow, author?
Twilight, Stephenie Meyer
New Moon, Stephenie Meyer
Eclipse, Stephenie Meyer
Breaking Dawn, Stephenie Meyer

(Yeah, I finally broke down and read the Twilight series...all four in one week. Then, I read it again, to catch what I had missed. Guess you can say I'm a true-blue fan.

...Have I mentioned that I hate joining bandwagons? But this one was worth it!)

The Little Princess, Frances Hodgson Burnett
Women of Light, Jack R. Christianson
The Misunderstood Child: A Guide for Parents with Learning Disabilities, Larry B. Silver
Raising Up a Family to the Lord, Gene R. Cook
Much Ado About Nothing, William Shakespeare
Macbeth, William Shakespeare
A 5th Portion of Chicken Soup for the Soul, Jack Canfield & Mark Victor Hansen
Raising Your Spirited Child, Mary Sheedy Kurcinka
Standing for Something, Gordon B. Hinckley

If any of you have recommendations for good reads, leave a comment. I'm open for any and all suggestions!

will I ever get out of this funk?

2010-01-20T15:32:00.000-08:00

I seriously feel out of sorts. And, it's scary to think how often this theme keeps popping up! I mean, really, what is wrong with me?

Did any of you even get Christmas cards this year? Nope, because I didn't send any out. As Christmas continued to sneak up on me, I thought I would do the second best thing and at least email a newsletter and picture to everyone - even though I feel like it's a lazy and impersonal way to send out Christmas cards. Granted, it does save a lot in postage! Did I at least make an effort to do that? Nope. Okay, so our Internet connection went buserk on Christmas Eve and we had to wait until January 6th before a tech-guy was available to fix our connection. But, you would think that I had prepared something before Christmas Eve. Nope. (Yes, you read that right! We had to wait 2 weeks without internet AND phone - since it's a package deal - before they could get someone out here to fix it. Apparently, even all their on-call guys were completely booked during the holidays.) For some reason, Christmas Day just did not feel like Christmas to me this year. Not sure why. But, I sat and watched my kids opening gifts feeling completely detached from the holiday. I wasn't in a bad mood, or sad, or anything; it just didn't feel like Christmas! (...maybe it's 'cuz I didn't get our Christmas cards out!)

New Year's came and went without much ado. Then again, it always does. We never stay up to watch the ball drop; in fact, this year, we were in bed by 8. Of course, Jason had worked an 18-hour day plowing snow the day before. And, I had just returned from my Grandma's house. My family was in town, and it was so fun to see them. I spent 3 days with them at my Grandma's because I was snowed in...a great unexpected twist to their whole visit, but 3 days is something I'd much rather be prepared for, ya know? So, I didn't feel like I enjoyed it as much as I could have, had I had a change of clothing and contact solution. Thankfully, I had thought to bring pj's for the kids because of our long cardrives home, late at night. I even took each of them a change of clothes, in case they wanted to play in the snow. Meanwhile, I wore the same clothes for 3 days and slept in my contacts. (BTW, Uncle Brian and Jackie: Laci has brought up playing with Sienna at least 3x since we saw you guys. She keeps wanting to go to GG's house to play with her, and I have to explain that you guys went home to WA. Sounds like those two really had fun!)

The return to routine after the holidays has been a lovely breath of fresh air. Laci is still loving preschool and gymnastics. In fact, this Friday we'll be going to see the Utah Gymnastics girls team perform because she got a free family pass at her gymnastics class. I've also added going to the library once a week, and the kids are loving reading from different books every night - and renting movies different from what we already own!

And, here we are with our lease coming to an end February 1st. We know we want to move, and we've looked at several houses, but just can't decide what to do. Do we rent or buy? There are pros and cons to each. Furthermore, we were recently approached by one of Jason's coworkers to invest in a short-sale in the area we're looking. We could pick from the list of houses he has, and live in it till we sell it and split the equity, but short-sales are a 6-9 month process - and I'm just not sure that I want to be moving with a newborn in tow. I would much rather move in two weeks and get it over with. But, we can stay here for as long as we want mont-to-month once our lease is up, and leave when we're ready with 30-days notice. It seems like a no-brainer. The guy is even willing to repeat the process as many times as we want until we accumulate enough to buy a house with cash! He just wants to invest in real estate while the interest rates are still good, and prices are relatively low. Who would be crazy enough to pass up an oppurtunity like that?

I'm torn! I want to move so badly, it makes my skin crawl! (This has not been a great neighborhood or ward for us.) We could be in a new house, in the area we want to live, in two weeks time - and be all ready for our new bundle of joy. I even started boxing up the non-essentials two weeks ago...my moving preparations have begun earlier than any of our other moves!

On the other hand, do I pass up a really good opportunity because I don't want to wait around here for an additional 6-9 months? Do I pass up an opportunity to buy a house with cash - if all goes "according to plan?" By now, I've certainly learned that nothing goes according to plan. How many moves would that take? And, should I let my apprehension for having a newborn during our next move - and a young baby with all our subsequent moves - get in the way of such an opporutunity? Heck, we of all people should know that the real estate market is really crappy. (Sorry, lacking for a better word.) I mean, that slump is the reason why we're here in the first place? Who says we'll be able to sell the house right away? Furthermore, we hardly know this guy! Is he trust-worthy? Does he work with integrity in all his business practices? I just don't have an answer to that question. Maybe I'm paranoid because we've run into a lot of less-than honest scumbags while running our own business.

Is it just too good to be true? I am so tired of waiting! I'm so tired of living in limbo! Will I ever again feel like my life is on track? Sigh.

way to go!

2009-12-22T19:50:00.000-08:00

Dear Jason -

You always work so hard to provide for our family. Preparing for this test was no exception. You've been studying for weeks: attending classes, staying up late, getting up early, sacrificing your spare time and family activities. All in hopes of doing your very best. Today proved that it was all worth it when you walked away with a GMAT score of 560! Yeah! (And, I think that's impressive - considering you've been out of school for 5 years. I highly doubt I could do that well!)

This is the first step of many as you continue preparing for grad school. I am so proud of you! More than that I'm grateful as I watch how hard you work. I marvel at your capacity as you juggle so much; I'm filled with awe as Father magnifies your abilities so that you can do it all. Thank you for all you do.

I love you,

Tiffini

blue

2009-12-16T19:35:00.001-08:00

...as in BOY!

Jason and I were worried that Laci would be really disappointed that it's not the girl she's been praying for - literally. But, as soon as we told her it's a boy, it's like she forgot all about wanting a girl. (Whew!) I wonder if she's realized that it's just me and her making up the girls in the family, because she keeps trying to convince me that "you're not my mom, only my friend." (Of course, I tell her that I'm both... I love being her friend, but she has to understand that I'm an authority figure, too - ya know?) She hugs and kisses my stomach several times a day, especially at bedtime or when I drop her off at preschool.

Jacob is still kind of oblivious to it all. He knows a baby is coming, but when asked if he's excited for a new baby, his expression is usually something like, So, where is the baby already? He might figure things out a bit more as my stomach continues to round out in the ensuing months. This arrangement will actually work out really nicely for him, since Laci will be heading off to kindergarten next year. He'll have a brother to play with when she's gone. And, something tells me that Laci and Jacob are always going to be best buds even with a new sibling added to the mix.

pregnancy cravings!

2009-12-12T19:46:00.000-08:00

We all get 'em. And, for one reason or another, we LOVE them! As odd and strange as they may be - or, at the very least, uncharacteristic to what our tastebuds naturally know and love - nothing else will do!

For the time being, anyway...

Cravings with Laci:
Trix cereal. 1st trimester only.

If there were no Trix in the house, fruit loops or skittles would have satisfied the craving, but just weren't quite the same.

Cravings with Jacob:
Chili's Restaurant chips and salsa. Morning, noon, & night! Very strange craving to have, considering that I had only eaten Chili's chips and salsa 2x before my pregnancy. Also really loved spaghetti. Lasted thru 1st trimester.

Blueberry muffins or pancakes. Either one would do. Lasted thru 2nd trimester.

Oddly, no cravings during the 3rd trimester.

Cravings so far with Baby #3:
Mushrooms (as in Beef Stroganoff or mushroom-topped hamburgers, mushrooms on my salad, etc.), fried chicken and/or buffalo wings, jalapeno peppers (especially on my turkey sandwiches!), chicken-flavored top ramen, soda (no specific flavor; the carbonation is lovely!). Change every 2-4 weeks.

kids say the darndest things...

2009-11-30T07:37:00.000-08:00

Laci (to Grandma Farnsworth): My mommy has a baby in her tummy, and she didn't eat it to get it there.

Jason takes Laci to a nearby bedroom at his mom's house for timeout. She looks around and says: There's a lot of stuff I can get into.
Jason replies: Good point.
So he walks her to the bathroom. She takes another look around and says: Here, too.

Laci (to Baba Denham): Baba, do you want to hear my joke?
Baba: Okay.
Laci:Why does the chicken sit on it's eggs?
Baba: I don't know. Why?
Laci: (throwing her hands up in the air) Because it doesn't have a chair.
Mom: Where did you hear that?
Laci: Sid the Science Kid.

Papa (Denham): Laci, do you want a baby brother or a baby sister?
Laci: I want a sister.
Papa: Well, what if you get a brother and not a sister, would that be okay?
Laci: No. I already have a brother!

feeling jipped

2009-11-23T18:05:00.001-08:00

#1 - Laci practiced all week to memorize her line for the primary program. Then I find out as her class is reciting it together, that it was a group assignment - not a solo.

Oh well. At least she will know what Mommy expects of her next year.

#2 - I went in for another OB visit on Thursday thinking that we were going to do a gender check (as mentioned by my doctor during last month's visit), only to find that we were one week off in measurements (still too early) - so we won't be able to find out till my next visit.

He was generous enough to schedule another appointment for 2 weeks from now, instead of the traditional 4. ... Yeah, I know that I was saying I want to keep this one a surprise because it's the tie-breaker, but Jason still doesn't see eye to eye with me on this one. Some things just aren't worht the battle.

#3 - Jason had the first Saturday off in - oh, the last 16 weeks - and I was lying flat in bed for 2 days with a fever, chills, and a congested nose!

My house looked like a tornado ripped through here when I could finally get up this morning, but I am so grateful that he was home because I could not get up without feeling like the room was spinning! My sweet hubby even made chicken for dinner last night! I laid on the couch giving him directions, but he did it all himself...and all without a single complaint! I'm so proud!

rewarding?

2009-11-06T12:17:00.000-08:00

So, if your child seemingly enjoys the punishment, do you continue giving it? I know the answer seems blantantly obvious, but let me explain...

Laci thinks that she can talk her way out of anything. When she tries to "persuade" us that her actions are okay or that she shouldn't get in trouble, she doesn't know when to stop talking back. I try to keep punishment within the realm of the offense; for example, if she jumps on the couch or my bed, she doesn't get to sit on either the rest of the day. For talking back, she gets soap in her mouth, which she absolutely detests - but I really resent having to pin my child down to enforce it. So, I've been reviewing in my mind all the leverage I have against her - cartoons, playing with friends, even preschool and gymnastics (which I have taken away before). Then, a new idea came to me: give her extra jobs. Already she has her daily chores - make her bed, brush teeth, bath, etc. On a weekly basis, she vacuums her room and cleans the bathroom (with Mom's help, of course). Most of the time, she completes her daily chores cheerfully and without incident. She typically completes them within 15-20 minutes. Most of the time, she's really self-motivated. But, I also don't give her a huge "laundry list" of chores, either.

After deciding to give her extra jobs for talking back, I warned her at the beginning of the week that when she talked back she would get extra jobs, and that she would do them on Friday after completing her "big" (weekly) jobs. From Monday until today, she tallied a total of 10 extra jobs; (I was lenient). I made a list of things ranging from wiping down windowsills, baseboards, and kitchen cabinets to vacuuming and dusting various rooms in the house. She needed my help with the vacuuming, which I expected she would. But, I figured it would still be a punishment because it's in addition to and out of the ordinary from what I normally expect. And, aside from the vacuuming, she did everything else herself. When she completed one job, I told her what the next one was and told her how I expected it to be done, then checked it when she told me she was finished before moving onto the next job.

That girl! She cheerfully did every job and completed all 10 in less than an hour. All she had to say at the end of it was that "all this work is making me starving!" I'm not going to complain - her doing it saves me from having to do it later. But, now I'm wondering if it's even a punishment!

I'm appealling to moms everywhere: what do you think? And, how would you proceed?

missing fall

2009-10-27T12:48:00.000-07:00

Fall is my favorite time of year! I relish in the varying shades of leaves as they change from orange, yellow, and red. My stomach flutters in delight with the expansion of my wardrobe as I pull out sweaters, scarves, and boots. I savor the smell of freshly baked apple-pie. And, who doesn't like candied apples? My usual dislike for soup has even turned into a love affair - (honestly, why bother with hot soup when it's still 100-degrees in October?) But, here when temperatures have dropped to the mid-60s, soup is just the thing to satisfy my hunger and warm my chilled bones. And, who can deny themselves the contagious glee of the approaching holiday season?

But alas, snow has come to Utah! Jason even drove home a plow truck last night in anticipation of the impending snow. I reluctantly accept predictions for an early winter this year; but really, does it have to come BEFORE Halloween?

O, where art thou, my beloved fall?

jelly bean

2009-10-23T19:25:00.000-07:00

I had my second OB visit today, and things look good. He found a heartbeat; yeah! At first he was having a hard time finding it using the doppler, so he pulled out the sonogram machine to get a more accurate reading. (I have to admit that made me a little nervous!)

Apparently, the baby is sitting higher than he expected - which might explain why I feel like I'm rounding out so much sooner than my other two pregnancies. We found the heartbeat right away. The baby looks beautiful - more like a baby than a little jelly bean like in my earlier sonogram pictures. He didn't print any off this time, but said that next time we can find out if it's a boy or a girl! (I'm still maintaining my position to keep it a surprise since this will be our tie breaker, but Jason isn't too sold on the idea.) It's hard to imagine that I'm already at 12 weeks. For some reason, I thought I was at 10, so it's nice to hear that I'm further along! ...anything to speed up the process, right?

potty training: days 3 and 4

2009-10-22T16:47:00.000-07:00

Well, yesterday went really well; Jacob even woke up with a dry bed this morning! (and I thought that was going to take a lot longer to correct, since he's such a sound sleeper). But, let's talk about 3 steps forward 2 steps back! Today has felt like we're back on day 1 with all the accidents.

Lora Jensen recommends potty training at 22 months, and Jacob will be 2 in December. I've wondered if Jacob is too young because it has been much harder for him to learn than it was for Laci. How I wish I had trained Laci at this age! She would have been well under way before Jacob was born. (It's a lot more difficult trying to potty train when you're nursing an infant.) I think she was around 28-30 months old, and she picked it up in an hour. So, age may contribute. More importantly, however, I think that personality is a huge factor in each child's development. Laci loves a new adventure, loves learning about anything/everything, and she jumps in with both feet - whatever it is. Jacob couldn't be more opposite from Laci; he is very cautious and hates change.

On the other hand, I know he understands what is expected of him or he wouldn't have been doing so well yesterday. So, I need to stay on top of the reminders to use the potty. And, that may be why today has been more difficult for him. I was babysitting 2 little girls and 1 infant today for about 4 1/2 hours, which means I had 5 kids under the age of 5! That makes for a long day. (Thankfully, Laci had preschool for two of those hours, and when she came home she played outside most of the afternoon.)

I'm just keeping my eye on the ultimate prize:

that Jacob will be completely potty trained before our next baby is born...

Yup, I'm pregnant! (and we found a heartbeat this time). These last few months have been an emotional rollercoaster for me. I surprised myself at how well I handled the miscarriage, but let me tell you, I would not want to relive the hormonal ups and downs! Poor Jason has had to deal with a lot of mood swings, and he's been so good about it. Let's just cross our fingers that we don't have any mishaps this time...

My due date is May 13th.

potty training: day 2

2009-10-20T19:03:00.001-07:00

We're all but done!

Yesterday Jacob had 1 1/2 successes filled with several accidents in between. Today, only 2 accidents. We've even been in the car - taking Jason to work, dropping Laci off at the school for speech, taking her to and from preschool, and a full hour at gymnastics. He did great! I'm really proud of him. Right around dinner time yesterday, it just clicked. He got it.

We're still working on our night-time routine, but I still have 1 day left...

potty training: day 1

2009-10-19T12:58:00.001-07:00

After buying a brand-new giant box of diapers from Costco, I realized that Jacob has finally arrived to potty training age! Seriously, where did the time go? So, back went the diapers and with that money, I bought him some "big boy pants," juice, and snacks... with cash to spare! (We all love that, right?)

Then out came my 3-Day Potty Training ebook by Lora Jensen that I printed off when I was potty training Laci. I highly recommend it. I was feeling extremely desperate on my 3rd attempt to get Laci to go in the toilet. I knew she was ready and I knew she understood what was expected, but she kept going in her pants. After reading this book and changing a few of my tactics, she was literally potty-trained within the first hour!

And now, it's Jacob's turn. I wish I could say it's been that easy. However, it is only day 1. So far, we've had one half-success - making it to the toilet mid-poop. He's definitely caught on that he needs to tell me when he needs to go - he just tells me as he's starting instead of right before. His excitement and understanding are encouraging. With two more days to go, I'm very hopeful!

More updates to come...

boring

2009-10-07T07:30:00.001-07:00

So, I'm lacking in posts simply because my life is very full of the mundane. Who wants to hear about my daily to-do's all the time? It's bad enough hearing them echoing around my head all day!

So here's somewhat of a synopsis of the last few weeks:

Jason has worked every Saturday for 5 weeks. Two weeks ago he worked a 90-hour week. He had to meet some crazy deadline on the first half of the project, and he did it when no one at work thought he would! He's still working long hours - 16-hour days - to finish the second half of the project that needs to be completed by Monday. This means he'll most likely be working yet another Saturday. (Sigh.)

Laci is LOVING preschool and gymnastics... my little sunshine girl! Everything she sets her mind to, she jumps in with both feet and a happy heart.

Jacob is speaking several new words every day. The million-dollar question that he asks several times a day is, "what's this?" so that he can sound out the answer. It is such a fun stage of toddlerhood. He also loves to sing! He and Laci often sing primary songs as they play. (I'm impressed at how much they know! ...So, they really do listen in primary and FHE!)

As for myself, I can't wait for my mom to come into town! She and four of my brothers will be staying at my Grandma's house for a few days of fall break. We can't wait!

first day

2009-09-03T12:23:00.000-07:00

Laci's first day of preschool went really well. My stomach was tied up in knots the whole time - worrying about how she was behaving, if she was able to sit still long enough and absorb anything, hoping that she wasn't driving the teacher crazy.... all the silly worries moms have. Her teacher was very compimentary of Laci. She was impressed with how well Laci followed instructions and how quickly she understood the material. Sigh of relief! (Despite Laci's inability to sit still for long periods of time, maybe her natural love of learning will be her saving grace in school.)

I actually joined a preschool co-op. A lady in our new ward leads the co-op, consisting of 6 children and their moms. We rotate every six weeks teaching Tuesdays and Thursdays for two hours. She heard that I was interested in participating, but it was full. About 3 weeks before it was to start, I guess another lady dropped out, leaving an opening for Laci and me! I was thrilled. Not that I wouldn't have enjoyed doing it myself with Laci, but I'm so glad for the socialization she'll be getting - and that's the real reason why we do preschool, isn't it? (and she can keep doing gymnastics - which is a great channel for her explosive energy.)

milestone

2009-09-01T09:07:00.000-07:00

My baby girl started her first day of preschool today! I can't believe she's that old - and that I'm that old, for that matter. It happens to everyone, I know. And, we probably all go through the same emotional rollercoaster: excitement for this big step in their lives, scared at the idea of relenting some independence to them, anxious at trusting our babies in someone else's care, and sad to let them go. It's only two days a week, but still. It's crazy to think that she's starting that chapter of her life already. (Maybe it's good for me... good preparation for kindergarten next year.)

4 years ago...

2009-08-07T06:57:00.000-07:00

I was sitting in a hospital bed anxiously waiting for your arrival. We had already counted 10 fingers, 10 toes - through songoram. The day had finally come! Daddy and I were could hardly wait to see your face, and feel the special spirit you would bring straight from heaven. And, we weren't the only ones. Grandad and Grandma, Papa and Baba, and your aunts and uncles had all crammed into that tiny hospital room.

A few hours later, the nurses ushered everyone out... it was time! Your birth wasn't as smooth as we had hoped. You entered this world not breathing, and your body was grey. You received your very first priesthood blessing as Daddy, Grandad, and Papa circled around you - promising you a quick recovery and no side effects; you would be healthy and whole. Then came your first little cry, and the nurses whisked you away. I didn't even get to hold my sweet baby girl!

Grandad came in and exclaimed, "She's gorgeous." (and explained to me that the conehead swelling would go down soon - I could laugh about that now), promising that as the swelling lessens "she's just going to get more and more beautiful everyday!" (Even though he was trying to comfort me, I think Grandad's words were certainly prophetic.)

Shortly after, I was allowed to go see you. Daddy gently helped me out of my bed, and led me by the hand to the nursery. The nurse apologized as we entered because you were lying there crying as she was giving another baby his bottle. I timidly walked over to your bed, hardly believing that you were actually here! You had an oxygen tube hooked to your nose and an IV needle in your head, (Grandad was right about the conehead!), but I hardly noticed any of those things. I stroked your leg, hoping to comfort you. Immediately, you stopped crying and turned your head in my direction. I looked over at Daddy and he said, "She knows you." Yes, it felt like I had known you forever! Then I glanced up at the nursery window just above your bed. Grandad had followed us, and was looking at me with a huge grin on his face. Daddy and I weren't the only ones excited about your arrival.

*****

It's hard to imagine what our home would be like if 4 years ago today had never happened! How grateful we are for our Little Sunshine, spreading joy and love everywhere you go. How I love to soak in your sweet hugs. And, listen to the melody of your heart-felt "I love you's!" When I hold you in my arms, eternity doesn't seem so infinite. You will be my baby girl forever!

We love you, Laci Mae!

yes, I'm still alive!

2009-08-06T15:14:00.000-07:00

Whew! These last few weeks have been a blur. Three weeks ago we spent Saturday with the Joel and Lara Neves. It was soooo fun to see them again. There's nothing like meeting up with old friends and feeling like no time has passed! (Even though, I can't believe that Bria will be 9! Talk about time flying by.) Lara was kind enough to humor me with her photography skills by doing our family pictures this year. I cannot wait to see the results! (No rush, Lara ... I know you're crazy busy with your move. I'm just grateful you agreed to do our pictures so close to your moving deadline!)

Then we had Jason's parents and two younger sisters, who are still at home, come for Pioneer Day weekend. It was so wonderful to spend time with them. I don't realize how homesick I am until family comes to stay with us. We've had quite a bit of family over the last few months. Jason's brother, Spencer, stayed with us a couple of months before he got married. My sister, Heather, used our home as a rest stop b/w ID and AZ when she was up at BYU ID. And, my sister, Ashlee stayed with us for a couple of weeks while her husband was out of town for work. I don't really miss AZ, but I absolutely miss our families. I just wish it didn't tug at my heartstrings so much when they leave!

This last week I've been recovering from the whirlwind of activity while the Denham's were here. Staying up until 1-2 am has never suited me well; it's even worse after having babies... I'm lucky if I make it till 9:30. After 3 late nights with them here, I caught I cold immediately after they left ... I think the let-down does to ya. Not that I regret having them here, for an instant! We had a blast, and I would do it again in a heartbeat!

I'm just glad I'm not planning a birthday party with friends for Laci's birthday tomorrow! We're just going to have a nice quiet, relaxed (well as lax as it can be with kiddos) evening at my Grandma's house. :) I can't believe she's going to be 4! But I'll save that post for tomorrow...

follow up

2009-07-01T14:58:00.000-07:00

Hmm, I'm not sure where to start with this post. I've had quite a few strong responses that I wasn't expecting. The purpose of my post was NOT to throw my dad under the bus. He spoke the truth. Everything he said is exactly what I needed to hear. It hurt because it was true. I've been really self-absorbed with all the trials we've been through in the last couple of years. Like I said, it was all about getting up, making it through the day somehow, and waking up to do it all over again. I felt like a zombie. I really wasn't in tune with my kids, and didn't want to be because it took more energy than I had. It's not to say that I was neglectful physically - they ate, they bathed, they had clean clothes to wear. But, I'm not sure I was really there for them emotionally. Everyday, it was all I could to do keep enduring. What we went through took both of us to our breaking point, and then some. I was literally on the verge of snapping. Looking back I could see how selfish I really was. What my dad said was hard to hear, and the tears came because I knew he was right. It was time for me to snap out of it! (Maybe I wouldn't have listened if he hadn't been so blunt. Also, you have to recognize that he hasn't been around to see all the changes. For all he knew, it was same as usual.)

I think he might have been right about placing too many demands on Jason. I probably was because I didn't feel I had the energy to exert myself. At that point, I was desperate for any and all help. What I didn't see then was that he was just as depleted as I was. It wasn't fair for me to place so many demands on him.

As for a schedule, I don't expect it to be perfect 100%, either. It does help take the guesswork out of what to do next. I've learned that I do better, emotionally, when I have a full schedule. I get energized by it; I feel good to look back at my day and see all that I've accomplished. And, it's humbling to see Father magnify you beyond your capacity. Until I graduated from ASU, I didn't know what having a completely open schedule felt like. I have found that for myself, I cannot operate without an plan. I also recognize that some people function better without such demands. I don't. I have found that, for myself, I am more prone to get discouraged and depressed without one. I also realize that an hour-to-hour schedule is a bit excessive, but that part of it is more for Laci than myself. However, I do feel that it has helped me be far more in tune with my kids. There is a lot more 1-on-1 interaction because the activities are changning frequently. Instead of placing the kiddos in front of the TV while I get busy with household duties and what I feel I need to do that day, I'm doing more with them - crafting, coloring, watching movies/cartoons, taking walks or playing outside - with them. It's been really fun.

Nor do I expect my house to be perfectly clean all of the time. I agree with one comment, a house of order means spiritual order, which I think will automatically be in place if we are following the first steps in that verse. I was just bringing out what I learned about temporal order from Grandad's temple tour... it doesn't mean that I completely negate the fact that spiritual order is important. The two are very much intertwined; both suffer when one is neglected. Cleaning a little bit everyday is something I started a couple of years ago because of Jason's crazy work schedule. When he started his business he worked anywhere between 12-16 hours a day. If I waited around for him to help out like he did our first year of marriage - when his schedule was a lot less full - it would NEVER get clean. Or I would spend 12 hours if I waited to do it in 1 day. Not fun. I am a perfectionist and a clean-freak. (If any of my children inherit that from me, I'm going to feel bad for them. It does place a lot of undue stress and burden.) What I hope to pass on to my children is the importance of picking up after themselves for the very purpose that one day they will have room-mates, a spouse, children - who I'm sure won't want to live with a slob. On the other hand, I don't want them to feel like nothing can ever be out of place. So, hopefully, I'm creating a happy balance expecting them to straighten their rooms and make their beds in the morning and picking up toys in the evening before going to bed - but the rest of the day, they have free reign! (Well, mostly.)

Jason and I are more unified than we've ever been. (Even my dad commented on that, in a different conversation, during our AZ trip. So he wasn't all doom and gloom.) Jason pitches in with household duties and the kids from time to time. It's not a lot because of his work schedule - which still resembles his business owner hours - but I'm grateful for what he can do. We've grown closer over the last year than I ever thought possible a year ago. I've noticed that we've grown stronger as a couple because of our individual efforts to strengthen ourselves spiritually, emotionally, etc. It's not to say that we weren't trying to fill our cups before; but, they were quickly emptied because of what we were enduring. And, the Adversary is always ready to jump in when he sees an opportunity. I think recognizing the Lord's hand in the blessings we've received this last year, was the spiritual boost we needed. With nourishment, we've only grown stronger individually - and more capable to give to each other and our children. I've learned a lot of lessons these couple years that I wouldn't have learned otherwise. I'm grateful for the lessons, and very grateful the trials are over! Hopefully, when the next one rolls around, I will be better equipped to face it.

Whew! Hopefully that all made sense! But, I really hope that it will clear up any misconceptions that anyone had.

finding joy & sanity in motherhood

2009-06-24T11:14:00.001-07:00

It seems to be a recurring theme: frustrated mothers because of the demands mothering brings. This doesn't mean that we don't love what we do. Motherhood is one of - if not the most - fulfilling calling/task/accomplishment we could ever partake of. Yet, it is extremely difficult, demanding, and emotion-draining - more than any of us ever thought possible! (FYI: Researchers have determined that stay-at-home moms work the equivalent of 4 full-time jobs and if in the work force would make over $150,000 a year.) Mothering requires being selfless all the time, and yet, we also need to find time to refill our cups in order to keep giving of ourselves. Consequently, we are in a constant tug-of-war between the giving that is always required of us, the want and need for "me time" (and the guilt that accompanies it). In sharing my thoughts, I don't wish to be self-righteous or condescending. I simply wish to share what I have learned in the hopes that one or some may benefit.

Father's Counsel
During our visit to Arizona in April, I approached my dad with what I knew was a loaded question. But, I had no idea the can of worms I was opening! I've been struggling a great deal with Laci behaviorally. Suspecting that she has ADD, I've wondered, where do I draw the line? How do I discipline a child who literally can't control her actions? She's incredibly impulsive. Her desires and intentions are good, but her ability to follow through in those desires is challenged by this disorder. How can I hold her to the same standard as a child that doesn't have that challenge? In trying to find these answers on my own, I ended up feeling helpless and confused.

Naturally, I turned to someone with more wisdom and experience than myself, my Dad. What he had to say was extremely difficult to hear! (It almost made me wonder how much he'd been bottling this up.) I have shed many tears over what he told me, which was essentially this: I am too selfish. My children don't know that they come first. I expect too much from Jason. My job is to be primary care-taker. I should have zero expectations from Jason in that department. His plate is full enough already as provider. This means that regardless of how tired and fatigued I am, my family must come first, and I must continue to give. I need to follow my mom's example of service - taking meals to families in the ward, doing laundry for a sister who just had surgery, driving people to appointments who don't have a car - basically, serve those around me, whatever, whenever, and wherever it is needed (and she does just that while raising 10 kids!).

Talk about a self-esteem downer! So, this is what my dad thinks of me? How could he be so judgemental? Yep, I left that conversation feeling pretty down on myself. I could argue with my dad and tell him why he was wrong. And, I had plenty to say! But, Dad, you don't get it! You've never been a mother. You just can't relate. Laci's activity level and Jacob's constant needing me leaves me so drained and depleted by the end of the day that I desperately need reinforcements when Jason comes home. Mom has been able to serve to that capacity because 1) she has the capacity of 10 people, and 2) your income has allowed her make extra meals and use extra water for laundry and gas in the car, and wherever else she is serving. She hasn't stood at the fridge or pantry with kids clinging at her legs because they are hungry and literally had nothing to give them! I have. How dare you tell me that I am selfish! I have been merely surviving from day to day: getting up, existing, and going to bed to start it all over again. Or I could shut up and listen, take it like an adult and make some changes. I couldn't turn back now. I had gone to him with a sincere desire for sound counsel, and he gave it to me. And, frankly, I could tell it was really hard for him to say.

Plan of Action
7 notecards. A new schedule for each day. Example 1, Monday:

5:00 Exercise
6:00 Family Scriptures, Chores - make beds, straighten rooms
6:30 Start making breakfast - put on classical/church music
7:00 Breakfast - pancakes
7:30 Kitchen clean up - dishes, counters/table, sweep, dress for the day
8:00 Cartoons, Mom's chores
- dust and vacuum upstairs (master, kids' rm, office, playroom)
- laundry (whites, bedding, Jason's work clothes)
- ironing (Jason & Jacob's white Sunday shirts)
9:00 Preschool
9-9:15 Seminary (similar to FHE lesson)
9:15-9:30 Letters (recognize)
9:30-9:45 Music (primary or fun)
9:45-10 Cooking (FHE treat)
10:00 Play Outside
10:30 Start making lunch
11:00 Lunch - mac n cheese
12:00 Craft: write letters to family members (Grandma & Grandad, etc.)
1:00 Stories & Quiet Time/ My personal scripture time
Fold clothes & ironing
If time, scrapbook, paint nails, watch TV
3:30 Play outside
4:30 Clean up time - playroom and bedrooms
Start making dinner
5:30 Dinner (look at menu plan for week)
6:00 Kitchen clean up - dishes, counters/table, sweep
6:30 FHE
7:00 Kids' baths, stories & bed
7:30 My shower, get ready for bed
8:00 Companion Study
8:30 Read 10 pages (book by general authority)
9:00 Bed/ Watch TV

Now, this may seem really excessive. I have one for every day. Each day changes a little bit, and we do have one day where we segway completely away from the daily routine for a play date, grocery shopping, and gymnastics. All my errands are packed into one day because Jason and I share a car.

I did this for two reasons: 1) it really does keep my sanity. I'm used to being crazy-busy, every hour and minute of the day allotted to something. So, this takes the guesswork out of finding things for the kids - and myself - to do throughout the day. 2) after getting Laci tested at the school district for ADD, they told me they can't diagnose but that her test scores indicate that she has ADHD. This was no surprise, but the news came about 2 weeks after I found out that I was pregnant with baby #3. Considering all the behavioral issues I was having with Laci, the thought of adding an infant to the mix (and Jacob was just starting to become more independent), was tremendously overwhelming. I cried as I asked these specialists what I could do to help her. I felt like I couldn't control her anymore, and discipline was becoming a nightmare because she could live the entire day in her room. They said, routine, routine, routine. All kids need a general routine, but ADD/ADHD kids need to know by the second what their day holds, and it needs to be switched up often enough that they don't get bored and start getting into trouble.

Also, I chose to do a preschool - just for Laci (Jacob will be there, too) - because, financially, it came down to enrolling her in a local preschool or gymnastics. After speaking to a preschool teacher about the curriculum, I thought, I could easily teach her myself and she could still get the socialization that preschool would bring through gymnastics. They mainly learn shapes, letter & number recognition, colors, so basic! I did not want to include other kids and make a business out of it because of the behavioral issues I've been having with Laci. I didn't want her to feel like she had to compete with the other kids. So, one of my summer projects is to gather materials for doing preschool in the fall. I've been doing a little everyday anyway with things I have on-hand. But, I want to create an outline for each month and have folders for each subject we'll be covering...less planning later!

Simplify and Simplicity
At the risk of sounding like a broken record, this past year has been beyond difficult. We reached the bottom...emotionally, financially, in our marriage...we hit rock bottom. Moving to Utah was a huge act of faith, and staying in Utah has also taken a great deal of faith. Yes, it's where we found employment, but it's taken almost a full year to recover financially. I think we naively thought within 3-4 months, we'd be back on our feet. But, one doesn't recover from rock bottom overnight or even within a few months.

On the other hand, it has been the greatest blessing. Hitting the bottom meant that we could only go up from where we've been. It meant a fresh start. It meant rebuilding. It meant that we had to rebuild with very little. So, I took a few of my favorite scriptures and have used them as a base for rebuilding our family and home:

1) Organize yourselves...every needful thing...a house of prayer, a house of fasting, a house of faith, a house of learning, a house of glory, a house of order, a house of God (D&C 119:110).

On this point, I wish to share one short story - and I apologize, I know this post is very long already! When Grandad Farnsworth was in the temple presidency of the Mesa Arizona Temple, he gave us an in-depth tour of the temple. When the Lord commands us to build a house of order, He means just that. When we went to the basement, the floors in each room were painted a different color so that when directed, no one ever questioned where something was to be placed. Even the pipes were painted different colors so that when maintenance was needed for plumbing or gas, etc., there was never a question of which pipe to go to. It taught me a great lesson about order. The Lord is not the author of confusion, and if our house is in order, there will never arise an occasion of confusion.

2) ...stand ye in holy places (D&C 87:8).

3) A place where the Lord may come, [the temple] is the most holy of any place of worship on the earth. Only the home can compare with the temple in sacredness (Bible Dictionary: Temple).

4) Other readings:
The Ministry of Angels, Jeffrey R. Holland, November 2008 Ensign
Daughters of God, M. Russell Ballard
A Mother's Influence, Margaret D. Nadauld
Raising Up a Family to the Lord, Gene R. Cook

Essentials
We live in a world of choices. As Latter-day Saints, these choices aren't necessarily between good and bad, but good, better, best. I want my home to be a holy place, a sacred place, a refuge from the world. I want it to be a place where the Lord and ministering angels can come.

As mothers, we have been given that amazing opportunity and sacred responsibility.

happy accident

2009-06-20T12:05:00.000-07:00

well, here are the cutting disaster "before" photos:

left side...the beginnings of a mullet

right side;
it's kind of hard to see, but she took out a big chunk on the bottom right behind her ear.

Drum roll please...

Here are the afters:

left side;
the mullet hairs were blended in to look like they are tucked behind her ears.

right side;

we couldn't do a true aline here because of the chunk she took out behind her ear.

However, we were able to keep some length on that side to create an asymetrical bob.

Here's the back.

Thankfully, the waviness in her hair hides the chunkiness on the right side.

Here's the front view after playing with it when we got home. The stylist did more of a page-boy look with the hair plastered around Laci's face.

Just wasn't working for me.

I'm still going to have to play with it some till I feel like it looks just right. But, that's the perfectionist in me coming out.

I really love it! (She was due for a haircut anyway, and I wouldn't have thought of doing this.)

I love how it frames her face, and I think it really suits Laci's personality.

I made sure to give the stylist a really good tip because she saved Laci's hair and our family pictures, which means we can still have Lara be our photographer! YEAH!

on the parent's short list...

2009-06-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

of nightmare incidents. (Okay, so maybe this one is just on a mother's short list.)

So, you see that big wad of hair? That's what Laci cut from her hair this morning. I'm telling you, I don't know whether to be fuming or to weep! I dread taking her to "fix" it because I'm sure the only thing to do is to chop it...and her hair is barely past her shoulders...4 years in the making! She's been telling me that she wants to grow it long like a princess. And, I've been planning to have family pictures taken within the month. If I had scheduled the appointment with a studio, I would just push it back a few months. But the photographer I'm really hoping and excited for is moving several states away! (Sigh.)

not much happening here

2009-06-16T17:09:00.000-07:00

So, we're just chugging forward, things as usual. I had bloodwork today to make sure my hormone levels are dropping after the miscarriage. And, hopefully, sometime soon we'll have an announcement for everyone. I'm definitely going to be waiting out the first trimester this time around. (I figured at 10 weeks, I was close enough ... guess not.)

fellow bloggers

2009-06-12T07:06:00.000-07:00

Because private blogs are becoming the norm, I can't access several of my friends' blogs. You know who you are...
If I list your name, will you PLEASE leave me your email address in the comment box, so that I can email you for a blog invite?

Karli, Kim, Camie, Stacey (Oh, you added me, Stacey. Thank you!)

(I would love to get in touch with Katie, Lynn, and Annie, too!)

Thanks!

Here's my recipe, too (as promised):

Italian Chicken Sandwich

2-3 chicken breasts, cut through each chicken breast and open it like you would a book; you'll end up with 4-6 servings total. (I've heard this type of cut referred to as a butterfly cut - I like it b/c you don't end up with a huge chunk of meat to bite through and it stretches your chicken, too!)
1/2 c. butter, melt the butter then add the rest:
1 tsp. minced garlic
2 tsp. basil
1 tsp. oregano
1/4-1/2 tsp. thyme
1/2 tsp. lemon juice

Place chicken breasts onto baking sheet, (I like to foil my baking sheet for easy clean up). Pour the butter over chicken, coating both sides. Broil for 5-8 minutes on each side. Build your sandwich, using any kind of bread you like. (I used sourdough.) Butter both slices of bread, butter-sides out. Layer with tomatoes, mozzarella cheese, red onions, and basil leaves. Bake at 400 degrees on a different baking sheet (this time, no foil, so the butter can crisp) for 10-12 minutes; flip sandwiches; bake for another 10-12 minutes - or longer, depending on how crisp and golden you like your bread. Serve. (We ate this with tomato soup. Yum!)

too tired

2009-06-11T18:21:00.000-07:00

I thought about posting a recipe (because I liked Alacey's idea of doing that every now and then). But, I'm just too tired. I'll do it tomorrow.

highly recommend

2009-06-10T15:21:00.001-07:00

I just finished Gene R. Cook's Raising Up a Family to the Lord. If you have not read it, I highly recommend this book! (He even has it on CD, which is great for driving in the car or while you're cleaning, folding laundry, etc.) I feel like it is a how-to manual on parenting! It's not a replacement for seeking the guidance of the Spirit as we each raise our individual families, of course. But, his views have confirmed, added to, and strengthened ideals and standards that I hold dear to my heart and wish to implement in my family. I've even decided that I'm going to read it once a year - because something new always stands out every time you read a book over again.

thank you

2009-06-10T05:37:00.000-07:00

Thank you for all your comments. I feel extremely blessed to be surrounded by so much love and support! Many of you - and even myself - are surprised with how well I'm taking it. As I've had time to reflect, I feel like there are several reasons for this.

1) Knowledge is power. Intellectually, I know that miscarriage is very common: 1 in 4 pregnancies. I'm no mathmetician, but I know enough to figure out that that comes out to 25% or a quarter of all pregnancies. I know more women who have had miscarriages than not. My mind has wandered back to biology 100, when I learned about cell division. I think there are six steps in the process; if there is anything wrong with the cell when the it reaches step 3 or 4, it dies. I remember making the analogy to miscarriage when I was learning about that process - maybe that was to help prepare me for this moment in my life. With further study, I've also learned that most miscarriages occur because of some chromosomal defect. Your body, then, naturally terminates the pregnancy. I marvel how Heavenly Father created our bodies!

2) I know several women who have had much more heartbreaking experiences with miscarriage. My mom had several miscarriages and struggled with infertility before getting pregnant with me. In fact, they adopted my older brother thinking they would adopt their entire family. Needless to say, I was a surprise. With each succeeding pregnancy, my mom was on fertility meds just to get pregnant. After baby 5, my brother Blake - through which my mom was on bedrest for 5 months - my mom turned it over to the Lord. She felt like she had a large enough family considering all she had been through. And, after having gone through so much with each pregnancy: I was 3 months early; Heather was early and contracted pneumonia when she was 3 weeks old; Adam was 4 months early, and died at birth; Ashlee was early; Blake was early and survived the pregnancy only because my mom was on bedrest for the majority of his pregnancy. With each of these pregnancies, my mom threatened to either miscarry or enter preterm labor. She felt like if she was going to get pregnant again, it would be completely up to the Lord. And, after turning it over to the Lord, my brothers, Chase, Dane, Trey, and Zac were all conceived without fertility meds, and their pregnancies were, for the most part, healthy and normal. My mom is a tremendous example of faith!

I remember a sister in a previous ward who miscarried her baby 4 1/2 months into her pregnancy. She had just found out that she was going to have a girl. How heartbreaking - to lose your little girl - but more especially, to lose a pregnancy after you've felt life in the womb!

One of my cousins, also lost a baby when she was almost to term. She went in for a routine checkup, and they didn't find a heartbeat. She was later induced, and labored knowing that she would be burying that baby. I cannot imagine the devastation that one would feel going through something like that! She has been another tremendous pillar of faith in my life.

My experience just doesn't compare! - not when I'm going through something that is fairly routine.

3) Spiritually, I know that I have the ability to be carried through my trials when I turn to the Lord for comfort. I know that miscarriage does not determine how many children will come to my family. Responding to my attitude about this whole experience, my mom brought up a great point, why go through a mortal experience - greiving -when through knowledge and faith in the power of our Savior's Atonement, you don't have to? For whatever reason, I feel like the Lord is carrying me through this, and it is truly humbling. I feel undeserving. Yet, my heart is filled with peace and gratitude.

Thanks again for all your love and support! For lack of a better description, it's the icing on the cake - or the cherry on top of the sundae. Without it, this experience just wouldn't be the same!

6 weeks, 4 days

2009-06-09T14:36:00.000-07:00

Today, I went in for an ultrasound because I've been experiencing some light bleeding over the last few days. I really haven't been worried. Current research suggests that bleeding, even during the 1st trimester, is quite common and does not always mean impending miscarriage. However, during the procedure, we found that the embryo does not have a heartbeat, and measured 6 weeks, 4 days. I should be entering week 8, (which is still less than I thought, but a 40-day cycle does throw things off a bit; in a 28-day cycle, I should be entering week 12.)

Suprisingly, I'm not devastated. (There's no doubt that I would feel differently if infertility was an issue.) But, even with infertility out of the picture, I would be naive to think that I would never miscarry. It is estimated that 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage; many women may not even know that they are pregnant, attributing it to a heavy period. (I think we all know at least 1 person who has miscarried, if it is not something we have personally experienced.) Furthermore, I don't believe miscarriages define how many spirits Heavenly Father will send to each home. He knows the number, and there is always wisdom in it.

Additionally, there is great value in personal experience. If for nothing else, I am grateful for the ability to empathize with others.

Being reminded how fragile and miraculous life is instills deeper appreciation for what we already have. I will definitely be hugging my sweet kids a little longer tonight!

You all know, from my previous posts, how difficult it has been for me to wrap my mind around getting pregnant again. Thankfully, to this surprise pregnancy, I am excited and willing.

the wonders of a neti pot

2009-06-03T13:25:00.000-07:00

Whenever I overdo, my pregnant body lets me know I need to take it easy. So, after a very full last week - celebrating Memorial Day on Monday, Blake's bday on Tuesday, catching up on laundry on Wednesday, errand-running on Thursday, more laundry + ironing on Friday, & preparing Sunday's talk in between - I'm now fighting a head cold. Normally, I wouldn't mind popping the cold meds, but especially since I'm in my 1st trimester, I had to get creative. At first I thought I would just buy some nasal drops, but then I remembered my neti pot - which I bought during my pregnancy with Jacob because my allergies were so terrible.

In two days I have gone from totally and completely congested - we're talkin' can't-breath-through-your-nose-at-all congestion - to semi-congested.

Wow. This thing is great!

p.s. there are a ton of You-Tube how-to's. In case you're wondering how it works.

response

2009-06-02T14:57:00.000-07:00

There was a comment made on my blog earlier that I would like to respond to. This person - I don't know who you are even after following your blog link - was obviously offended by my strong feelings about not wanting to get pregnant again (...so soon, might I add!). Let me also clarify, I am thrilled! Not for a moment, since finding out that I am expecting again, have I cursed this pregnancy, dreaded this pregnancy, or wished baby #3 wasn't on the way! I am extremely excited. I am honored that my Father in Heaven trusts me enough to send me another one of His spirit children!

Before getting pregnant, however, as always there was the fear of the unknown. Was I going to have a difficult pregnancy again? How could I endure such another difficult pregnancy with Jacob so clingy? Might I also add that I am dealing with the possibility that Laci has ADD. (Or perhaps you are offended by that as well. Many people believe that ADD is a cop-out. My answer to that is, you haven't lived with a child who has ADD.)

Parenthood is a huge responsibility that I take seriously. If I am not equipped physically, emotionally, or spiritually to raise my first two children, how could I expect to add a third one to the mix? How can I expect them to grow into happy, healthy, and well-adjusted adults if I myself am not happy, healthy, and well-adjusted? You cannot give what you don't have. By expressing my true and honest feelings, I am not trying to sound insensitive to those who cannot bear children. I would never presume to tell someone who is wishing with all their might to have just 1 child - only to fail with each attempt - to just get over it. We all have different trials. This wouldn't have been mine if there wasn't something that I needed to learn and grow from by experiencing it. Ultimately, I believe that whatever our trials, they are meant simply to strengthen our faith, mold our character, and deepen our reliance on God.

taken completely by surprise!

2009-06-02T10:04:00.000-07:00

So, most of you have noticed our baby countdown by now. Yep, baby #3 is on the way! Was this a planned pregnancy? Nope. Were we completely, utterly, and totally surprised? Yep.

Ironicially, Jason and I were looking at the calendar a few weeks ago to plan our summer family outings. Randomly, I just made the comment, "Well, at least we don't have to worry about having another baby in December." (Little did I know...)

FYI: Between our two immediate families this will be birthday #8 in the month of December!

Here's the deal. I haven't even been interested in the idea of getting pregnant again - at least not for a while. I've considered toward the end of the year as a nice time to start thinking about getting pregnant ... only to find out that I will be delivering at that time, yet again! Wow. Okay, so here are the reasons why I have not been excited at the prospect of another pregnancy.

1) I am sick and tired of being fat! No, I'm not obese, but I am overweight. Size 10 and 140 lbs. is a long way from my size 2, 100 lb., frame before I started having children. I desperately wanted to lose weight before getting pregnant again! - especially after having a c-section with Jacob, which totally throws your body off in ways you never imagined! (Yeah, surgery would be ideal, but nothing I could set my heart on at this point, and most likely, ever.) It's heart-breaking and discouraging, and if I spent time dwelling on how much I hate it, I would curl up in a ball and wither away. I honestly feel like a skinny person trapped in a fat person's body!

2) My pregnancy with Jacob was awful! (I'm sure I had it coming because my pregnancy with Laci was textbook.) I was sick the entire 9 months, and it wasn't from the typical nausea that accompanies pregnancy. That came; and I swear that I knew I was pregnant the very day I conceived. That was bad. Worse still: if it was contagious, I caught it. I am not exaggerating when I say that I did not go a week of being well that by the end of the week, I was down with something else! I can't even remember everything that I caught! But in case you were wondering, here's a sample of what I experienced during that pregnancy: sinus infection that lasted 4 months, flu for 7 days, yeast infection that lasted 3 months, bladder issues that we won't go into, and just about everything else you can imagine. I shouldn't complain. I know women who experience hospitalization, IVs, and bed-rest their entire pregnancies. (But, seriously, I might as well have been on bed-rest the entire time!) I felt like Jacob was sucking every nutrient out of my body. (My OB's response to that was that "it's like a parasite to it's host" ... well, if you want to look at it like that. Not exactly the picture you want to have of your new bundle of joy.) Exhaustion is an understatement. Oh, and let's add 6 days overdue to the list, shall we? (That's a big leap when your previous delivery came 10 days early.)

3) As if a rough pregnancy wasn't bad enough, let's cut you open and give you 8 weeks of recovery time. Oh, but that's not enough, let's add colic for 6 months and clinginess for an additional 8. Yeah, you know it's bad when your fellow ward members nickname your infant, [my] "Siamese twin" and "hip child!" I literally held him 24 hours a day for 12 months! Let's forget about the crib, because he'll refuse to sleep in it - so much so that he'll pull himself out and fall to the floor at your first attempt to transition him to the crib (he was 6 months old!). Oh, but that's still not enough - let's add unemployment till all your savings are gone & an out-of-state move! (No wonder I'm still fat!)

Okay, so I've really slathered on the sarcasm, but I haven't exaggerated any of it! promise!

Tell me, was I crazy for not wanting another baby right away? I told Jason a few months ago that a suprise pregnancy is probably the only way that I would have ended up pregnant right now. Recently, though, I have started thinking, if I'm not feeling it's time for another one yet, am I ever going to feel it? Am I only going to have two? That would be a far cry from the family of 10 I was raised in. But I'm not my mom, so maybe I'm not meant to have a large family. Yet, that didn't feel right either.

I'm relieved that I didn't have to wrestle with that decision, and that the Lord simply took over. I am grateful that this pregnancy compares more closely to Laci's than to Jacob's. I'm still battling with my lowered immune system, but at least my energy is high. Definitely one of Father's many tender mercies.

That said, are we happy and excited? Absolutely!

p.s. this is our tie-breaker! And, we've decided that we won't find out the sex of the baby till he/she is born! (Laci was hoping for a girl baby and a boy baby, but since we're only having one, she's rooting for a girl.)

Day 2: Happy Birthday, Uncle Blake!

2009-06-01T11:41:00.000-07:00

On May 26th my brother, Blake, turned 20 years old - which is so hard to believe! I remember holding him as a baby ... (I really don't think of myself as old until I realize how old all my younger siblings are.) And that's just mind-boggling!

Memories about Blake:

When Blake was about 18 months old, my mom left me in charge for maybe 30 minutes while she ran to the store. During that short period of time, Blake reaked havoc on our family room carpet! This is when we discovered that Blake could open the fridge. Before I realized what he was doing, he had grabbed 5 eggs and was throwing them on the carpet. Of course, the eggs cracked and left a giant, gooey mess to clean up. Not only did he get into the eggs, but he also managed to dump out dark green chlorophyl onto the carpet as well. Um, chlorophyl does not wash out. Yeah. (Thankfully, my mom stayed calm and collected when she walked in the door.) For months afterward our fridge was locked shut with masking tape wrapped around the handles ... and a new rug covered the spot where the green chlorophyl was spilt.

When I was in highschool, I would usually take 45+ minutes - like most highschool girls do - to get ready in the morning. There was rarely a morning that Blake wouldn't tell me I was beautiful as I walked out the door. What a sweetie!

After I had Laci, my mom and Jason's mom would trade days babysitting while I could finish my degree. Blake loved to rock Laci in our backyard swing. He was always able to get her to sleep. I'm sure Laci didn't even miss me because she felt so loved!

Currently, Blake is serving a mission in the Mesa Arizona Temple Baptistry. He absolutely loves it! This is a very fitting mission for Blake because family is everything to him. Three days a week, he gets to serve in a place where it's all about family! He is such a wonderful uncle to Laci and Jacob. I am so glad that we got to spend a few hours with him on his special day.

Happy Birthday, Blake! We love you -

Jason, Tiffini, Laci, & Jacob

2 days of fun, fun, fun in the sun!

2009-05-27T07:31:00.000-07:00

Part 1: Memorial Day Celebration

When my family comes up to UT for Memorial Day (which depends on when school gets out), we have a really fun tradition! Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, great-aunts and -uncles, 2nd cousins - essentially, anyone and everyone who are in the area - meet at Nephi Cemetary. This is a special place to our family, as several of our family members, many of whom were early settlers of the Salt Lake valley, are buried here. Among them rests my Grandpa Tew. Here, local residents put on a Memorial Day program for all the veterans and their families.

Family starting to gather... of course, Jacob had to be passed around. He was a good sport about it, considering that he really doesn't like it.

Jacob and Grandma Tew

(aka: GG or Grandma Great)

Laci and Jacob with my brother, Zac

Laci with Grandma Great

Jacob with my brother, Trey

Jacob with Grandma Farnsworth

Laci standing by Grandpa Tew's grave.

We all gathered 'round and sang "Families Are Forever."

That was a nice touch, Mom.

I just LOVE this picture!

Grandpa's name on the veteran's board: David Ivan Tew

(Korean War).

Also on the list was his father, John Ivan Tew

(World War I).

I found out that my great-uncle Milton, Grandpa's older brother, served in World War II, as well. For some reason his name isn't included on the board ... maybe you have to be buried at the cemetary?

He is a very healthy and independent 88!

Here are the veterans, marching with the colors.

raising the flag

gun salute

taps.

Then we headed over for a picnic at our traditional spot, Nephi Park. (not sure if that's the official name)

Laci swinging

(I can't believe how big she's getting!)

Jacob with my brother Dane

And, finishing off the day with a tractor ride!

This tractor wagon has pulled 3 generations of grandchildren!

definitely brought back memories of Grandma and Grandpa's house...the small bowl of mints on Grandma's kitchen table, homemade ice cream, smell of fresh-cut grass, Sunday dinners, playing dressup under the pepper trees...

What would eternity be like without families?!

I love to see the temple

2009-05-24T15:59:00.000-07:00

Last night our family went to a VIP Construction Tour at the Oquirrh (pronounced O-Ker) Mountain Temple open house. This temple is really special to us. Jason's company did the landscape install on it, and they asked Jason to oversee the final stages this spring. The official open house dates run through June 1-August 1. It is beautiful! And, it is so humbling to think that Jason had a part in beautifying the grounds of Heavenly Father's newest house.

crazy fluke!

2009-05-22T19:22:00.000-07:00

do you see something strange about my right eye (your left)?
definitely not a glamour shot!

here it is close up
(the pictures really don't do it justice + I've been on medications for about 6 hours)

Okay, so I woke up this morning with a really red, puffy eyeball and headache. Initially, I thought it was pink eye, but it wasn't goopy. Even more alarming, I could barely see out of my right eye because it was so cloudy!

But, like most moms, I didn't give it much thought because my busy day had already started ... Dad goes to work, breakfast for kids, dishes to be done, kitchen floor swept, bedrooms straightened, etc. By 9am, however, all I could do was lay in my bed in agony because of my headache. When I went into the bathroom to look at my eye, it was dilated and so cloudy I could see the film over my eye. At this point, I was beginning to feel alarmed.

So, I looked up an eye doctor's office and described my symptoms to the nurse. Her response was even more frightening: "You need to schedule an appointment immediately or go to the emergency room." In my mind I'm thinking, Um, okay. What the heck is wrong with me? And, of course, the worst enters your mind: Does she think I have a brain tumor? What else could cause such a bad headache and immediate swelling behind my eye? Several phonecalls and about an hour later - since Jason had taken the car today - I found someone to watch my kids and a ride to urgent care.

When the doctor at urgent care looked at my eye, he was surprised at how swollen it was. Asked me some questions: are you using new eye makeup? have you used any chemicals that could have gotten into your eye? have you had any head trauma recently? No, no, and no. At this point, he is really puzzled and walks me next door to a vision center (which had I remembered it was there, I would have scheduled an appointment with them to begin with).

The optomologist took me back, and the first thing out of his mouth is, "Wow!" (pause) "You're eye is extremely cloudy. Wow!" (I'm thinking, okay, that's not really comforting ... I hope you can figure out what's wrong with me, and that it's not too serious!)

Long story short, 4 hours later, including a follow-up appointment, 3 eye drop samples, and 1 eye drop prescription later - my eye is inflamed, (really, you think?), and is a medical fluke. (The optomologist actually said that my case is one of the rare cases that they take photograhs of and use as a case study.) It could last anywhere from 2 days to 2 weeks. In other words, he didn't know exactly why my eye is swollen. Thankfully, the meds are working. Within the hour, I could feel the swelling on my eye go down. It's still a little blurry, but is no longer cloudy.

I am really grateful for the sisters in my ward who stepped up and sacrificed their time to serve me. I am grateful that I didn't have to run to the emergency room for xrays/MRI's. I feel extremely blessed as I recognize just how involved my Father in Heaven was throughout the entire process.

In case you were wondering

2009-05-21T20:19:00.000-07:00

this is what you see when you walk in our front door
(pre-painted walls definitely makes it feel more like home!)

to the left is the family room

going up the stairs

opens up to a loft, which we've turned into the toyroom,
turn left toward two bedrooms and a bathroom

here's the bathroom

and laci and jacob's room

across from laci and jacob's room, and to the right of the toyroom, is the master bedroom;
but who hasn't seen one of those before?

we're happy to be here!

Sparkling

2009-05-19T13:25:00.000-07:00

So, I'm not a big fan of joining bandwagons, particularly the whole "going green" idea. I don't believe that conserving energy, recycling, and eating local produce is important simply because it is the latest fad. I went along living life doing my best to keep lights turned off in the house when not in the room, changing the lint drawer in my dryer after every laundry load, rinsing out soup cans to go in the recycling bin, and deemed the nickname "health nut" from my mom. But why join the "going green" movement? It's just another fad that will fade out in the next decade or so, isn't it? Besides, why shouldn't I expect it to become another multi-million dollar industry? Why get sucked in?

However, I'm starting to change my attitude about "going green." Buying organic groceries can certainly cost you a pretty penny, but buying locally grown produce actually doesn't cost very much. Before moving from Arizona, I heard of Bountiful Baskets - local food that's left over from restaurants and grocery stores. You can pick it up at a delivery spot, and I think for a family of four you pay $35 for two weeks and get a lot of food. Small fruit stands mark Utah streets in the summer and fall - all local food. Anyone is excited to save a penny, right? (especially in this economy.) Plus, having once owned our own business, I am grateful for the opportunity to support local business owners.

Recently, I've been studying up on "green" cleaning products, specifically, home-made cleaning solutions. But to do this cost-effectively, I'm replacing the home-made solutions when my store-bought ones have run out. Last week my Clorox All-Purpose cleaner ran out. And, instead of spending $5-$6 for a new bottle, I spent $1.99 for a galon of vinegar. Mixed with equal part water, you have an all-purpose cleaning solution that costs close to nothing.

And my bathroom is sparkling!

Get this...
1. Add 1/2 c. distilled vinegar to your laundry for a natural fabric softener.
2. For a really good scouring agent: mix baking soda and castile soap.
3. Furniture can sparkle with 2 parts olive oil + 1 part lemon juice for a home-made furniture polish.
4. Do you have a wood or pergo floor? Try this:
1/3 white distilled vinegar
1/3 rubbing alcohol
1/3 distilled water; add first three ingredients to bottle & shake.
3 drops castile soap; add & shake bottle.
5-25 drops essential oil, for fresh scent; add & shake.
Shake before each use.
5. Add your favorite essential oils to any cleaning solution for a fresh smell. White Tea Tree Oil inhibits bacteria, mold, and fungus growth. I'm going to be adding 2-3 drops to every cleaning solution I make.